


Devilwood!!

by DerKnochenbrecher



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Fantasy Parody, Gen, too many minor characters to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-08
Updated: 2016-01-12
Packaged: 2018-05-05 17:43:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 23,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5384618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DerKnochenbrecher/pseuds/DerKnochenbrecher
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A long time ago, in a far away land, two adventurers find themselves coming together to solve increasingly ridiculous situations. This chapter: the epic conclusion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Here is Devilwood!! Part 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Senei](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Senei/gifts).



> This is written for my best bro Thedastrash, who's one of the few people who likes the same obscure manga as me and who encouraged me to write this in the first place.
> 
> This fic is entirely based off of the Devilwood chapters of Here is Greenwood by Yukie Nasu, a slice-of-life manga that ran 1987 to 1991 in the shoujo magazine Hana to Yume. It occasionally went off on wild AU stories, the Devilwood ones being the longest. The series was also adapted into 6 OVAs between 1991 and 1993, as well as a 13-episode live action series in 2008. The manga is the best of them, though, and was translated in North America by Viz. It may now be out of print. Complete scanlations are hard to find as well, but if this has piqued your interest than please try to find it! 
> 
> Also note: I wrote this with zero knowledge of what Haikyuu Quest is, so please pardon my new-fandom ignorance.

Act I

 

A long time ago, in a faraway land, there was a beautiful and peaceful kingdom. It was something of a generic faux-medieval European fantasy kingdom, but with sillier names, though we won’t hold it against them. This being _that_ sort of fantasy kingdom, the people of the land were always waiting for a son to be born to their king and queen. They already had two daughters, but fifteen years of marriage had failed to produce an heir. Given that the king and queen were both men, though, even two daughters was quite the feat. Questionably sourced bamboo was most likely involved.

 

One happy year, however, a prince was born, and the kingdom rejoiced. King Keishin and Queen Ittetsu, not to mention the eldest princess, Hinata, were likewise overjoyed at the birth of Prince Mikasa. Everyone from one end of the kingdom to the other celebrated the little prince’s birth – everyone, that is, except for Princess Natsu, second in line for the throne.

 

Now, Princess Natsu was still very young, and prone to making selfish demands, as young children are wont to do. Upon hearing of the birth of the newest edition to her family, she ran out of the hands of her nursemaids and raced to her bedroom, jumping into bed and planning on never leaving.

 

“I don’t want a baby brother!” she cried into her pillow. “I just want it to be me and Hinata-neechama and Mama and Papa! Everyone’s saying that he’s all squishy and soft… but I don’t want a dumpling brother. I wish he would just… turn into a real dumpling and be eaten by a big demon!”

 

No sooner had Princess Natsu uttered these words than there was a crack of thunder and a demon appeared. Fortunately, the author is not well versed enough in eighties movies to have it be a David Bowie reference. Instead, the thunder brought a giant black bird, who materialised over the baby in his wet-nurse’s arms. With a caw that could break concrete, it stole the baby out of the woman’s arms and disappeared in a flap of wings. Amid a storm of swirling crow feathers, the woman started screaming.

 

The king’s right-hand woman, a rather tough chick by the name of Saeko, ran into the nursery as soon as she heard the screams, and shook an explanation out of the terrified wet-nurse. Demon attacks weren’t exactly rare, but this could be devastating. Looking around the room at the mess of feathers and broken glass for clues, she saw a piece of paper in the baby’s crib that presumably wasn’t supposed to be there. She grabbed it, and raced off to find the king, not caring whether she crashed into anyone or not.

 

She found the king in the throne room, where he and his family had been receiving guests just prior to the prince’s disappearance. The king was already surrounded by nursemaids explaining the situation. Way to be late, Saeko.

 

“- Then the prince turned into a round and toasty snack cake,” one of the maids was saying, “And a giant crow appeared out of nowhere and took him.”

 

 Princess Natsu looked close to tears as the nursemaids told the story, with her elder sister gripping her hand protectively.

 

 “Are you sure that’s what happened?” the king asked. To be fair, most people would have trouble with this story, ruler of a generic fantasy kingdom or not.

 

“It’s true,” Saeko said, running up to him. She shoved the crumpled not into his hands. King Keishin read it over.

 

 _Greetings,_ the note read. _Upon request from Princess Natsu, I have removed Prince Mikasa from the premise. Yours very truly, the Demon King Spalding_

Keishin had to read it over a few times to accurately understand its meaning. He knew there had been plenty of rumours swirling around that, at the western edges of his fair kingdom, the enchanted forest of Devilwood was inhabited by a demon king, but no one had ever actually seen him. Administration, therefore, had just assumed it to be a fairy tale, and ignored it. Clearly _that_ had come back to bit him in the ass.

 

His queen, Ittetsu, read it aloud from over Keishin’s shoulder, and covered his mouth with a hand in shock. Princess Natsu burst into tears.

 

“What can we do?” Ittetsu asked.

 

“Well,” said Keishin. “I’m too busy running a kingdom to go after a dumpling prince myself, so we must send out a call for heroes. It’s the best way to go about this.” He wasn’t really the best with babies. There was a reason Ittetsu dealt with the children most.

 

And so a flyer was sent out, posted on every board and village post in the kingdom.

 

_Urgent: Seeking someone to defeat the Demon King. Must be 15 or over. Previous experience preferred. 100 gold pieces in reward._

Hopefully the bulletin would attract _someone._ But as time went by, it became clear that no one was answering the king’s call for aid. Maybe it was the fact that they were being asked to defeat a “Demon King.” Or maybe the price was just too low – it was a good bet either way. Without any promise of his child returning, the Queen took ill, and the King’s worries increased.

 

Act II

 

Days passed, and then one night, regardless of things such as “privacy” and “decency,” Saeko slammed into the royal bedchamber. Fortunately the king and queen were asleep like normal people, given that it was well past midnight, so all she did was wake them up with the sound of the door slamming open.

 

“We got a sign-up!” she crowed.

 

Keishin sat up in bed, trying to figure out what on earth was happening.  Ittetsu’s eyelids fluttered and Keishin put a hand on his shoulder to keep him from getting up. Poor dear was still sick, after all.

 

Saeko continued. “There’s a guy outside right now who says he’ll defeat the Demon King for us!”

 

Keishin frowned. “What, at –“ he glanced out to the window, then wondered why he did that because the curtains were drawn. The lack of light coming through the cracks indicated that it was still night, though. “Whatever hour it is?”

 

“Apparently,” Saeko said with a shrug. “But I figured you’d want to know as soon as possible.”

 

“Give me a minute,” Keishin said, leaping out of bed. Saeko disappeared, not really wanting to see anymore of her employer’s naked form. Which was a shame, since it was a pretty nice one.

 

Now, since this is a generic fantasy kingdom, it’s pretty much a given that it’ll eschew all manner of actual royal traditions, including the levée. So King Keishin was actually able to dress himself and make it down to the great hall. Way to go King Keishin!

 

At any rate, Keishin only bothered with the most basic of clothing before rushing out to meet the hero in question, Saeko following at his heels. They got to the great hall where the King met with all guests to the castle, already illuminated by whatever it is that illuminates fantasy castles. Given the cleanliness of the walls and lack of horrific lung illnesses, it’s probably not torches. Castle workers, summoned by the mysterious network of people that operated way below the King’s pay grade, were pouring in to the hall, but all interest was focused on the strange man standing in the middle of the floor.

 

The young hero stood with a wrist balanced on his hip, a brilliant smile on his pretty face as he looked over to a gaggle of cheerful maids. He didn’t really look like the sort of person who would be able to defeat a demon king, but at this point Keishin was sort of out of options.

 

“Is this the one?” Keishin asked, trying to hide the suspicion in his voice. The man _had_ come to rescue his youngest child, after all. “You! Who are you?”

 

The hero turned the full force of his smile onto the King. Being a married man, though, it didn’t have much of an effect. Besides, Ittetsu was _much_ cuter in Keishin’s opinion. Not that we’re here to judge Keishin’s taste in men.

 

“Wandering swordsman Tooru Oikawa, at your service,” the hero said, striking something of a pose.

 

Keishin blinked. “Tooru Oikawa – where have I heard that name before?”

"Oh, probably somewhere," Oikawa replied with a brilliant but vague smile. That usually means the hero in question is up to no good. "I am well-known in certain circles."

Keishin didn't believe him until someone else supplied papers proving that Oikawa was, indeed, a hero - and a rather popular one too, which his hair probably had something to do with.

 

So despite the king’s original suspicions, it was confirmed that this rather sketchy looking fellow was quite renowned for his skills. The king spent the morning pulling other travel arrangements and other minutia for his new hero, and they reconvened at a more human hour of the morning.

 

The king had taken up his proper seat on the throne, and Princesses Hinata and Natsu had joined him, Natsu still clinging to her oneechama’s hand. The king had also summoned one of his minions to join Oikawa’s quest, and that young man was standing in wait, already dressed for the upcoming adventure.

 

“Oikawa,” Keishin said, and indicated the henchman. “This is one of my minions. Please use him as you see fit during your retrieval of Prince Mikasa.”

 

The minion gave a stiff bow. “My name is Tobio Kageyama,” he said through gritted teeth. There was something about Oikawa that just rubbed him the wrong way – but he tried to work through the feelings, since service to his king and the kingdom was far more important. He didn’t realise that he was making a scary face and terrifying most of the courtiers, the poor child. It didn’t seem to faze Oikawa in the slightest, though, as the adventurer just kept smiling.

 

Oblivious to the volley of questionable expressions being launched from halfway across the great hall, King Keishin continued.

 

“Should you find yourself successful, Oikawa, not only will you be rewarded with riches, but you will also be given the hand of my daughter Hinata in marriage.” He indicated the princess with a wave of his hand. Hm, well maybe he should have put _that_ on the advertisement. It would probably would have brought in more potential heroes.

 

Oikawa looked over Princess Hinata – her disordered skirts, her hip-length orange hair that poked out at all angles like it had never seen a brush before, the wide yawn she gave at just that moment – and decided that he was going to pass on that one.

 

“That aside…” he said.

 

“What, not enough for you?” Keishin asked. He was a little running out of things to offer, and even his daughter as a marriage option was stretching it.

 

“I would be happy with the gold,” Oikawa said. He gave a short bow. “You can depend on me, Your Majesty! Now come, Tobio-chan! We’re off to defeat the Demon King and rescue the prince!”

 

He turned on his heel and started off. Still half-glaring, Kageyama picked himself up and followed after the overly exuberant adventurer. He really hoped this wouldn’t prove itself too much of an adventure, he thought as he stifled a yawn.

Three AM awakenings have a habit of doing that to people.

 

Act III

 

Oikawa and Kageyama had started on their intrepid quest some hours ago, and were now walking through pastoral farmland that inevitably looked more like the writer’s home countryside than that of anywhere they might be trying to base their fantasy land on. So in this case, imagine the flattest, most boring, wheat-filled landscape you can, and you’re about halfway there.

 

Kageyama sighed – there really wasn’t much to look at outside of wheat fields and cows, and the thought of what awaited them at the end of their quest was weighing heavily on his mind.

 

“Tobio-chan!” Oikawa said. “Why are you sighing? We aren’t even out of sight of the city!”

 

Of course, given the landscape, they’d be able to see the city for days yet. Fantasy castles aren’t known for actually being castle-sized, after all.

 

“Have you not realised that we’re up against a Demon King?” Kageyama asked, unable to swallow the words. “As in a demon who’s a king? Above other demons? There’s only two of us!”

 

“Hmm, it _is_ true that I’d like to have six people to take down any demon with a title higher than count,” Oikawa replied. “But we’re what we have – we’ll be able to make it work. I’ve been told I bring out the best in those I work with!”

 

“And I would suggest we get a map,” Kageyama continued, ignoring Oikawa’s sparkling smile. “But it turns out that there _is_ no map. What are we doing about that?”

 

“Ahhh, I’m well aware! But even so, you _did_ volunteer, didn’t you?” He gave Kageyama a rather pointed look.

 

Kageyama pulled back a step, his lips pulling into a most triangular frown. “I – well. I couldn’t just let the royal family despair like that, could I?” he muttered. “Besides, I didn’t think I’d be the only one to… step forward…”

 

“Haaa, so you go got caught up in the chivalry of the moment, Tobio-chan?”

 

“Can you please stop it with the “-chan” stuff?”

 

“No. Besides, if you pull this off, you can wed the eldest princess!”

 

Kageyama thought back to Princess Hinata, an image springing to mind that wasn’t too dissimilar to the view of the princess that had resulted in Oikawa rejecting the possibility of marrying her as well. She really should learn to brush her hair before making public appearances. Or leaving her room. It wasn’t really helping her general image.

 

Kageyama sighed heavily again.

 

“At least try to look like you’re having fun,” Oikawa said. “After all, we’re already on this quest, aren’t we?”

 

They passed into a small wooden area planted around the road, where the trees were about as thick as their forearms and twice their height at most. The leaves, though, were big enough that the road just looked like it had turned into a green tunnel. There was a rustle from beside Oikawa that wasn’t caused by the exploding seed pods. He nearly walked into a sword aimed at his neck – it was a shame he noticed it in time to dodge.

 

“Woops,” Oikawa said as a bandits began to slink out of the woods to surround them. The one of them, who seemed to be their leader since he was the only one with a sword, stepped out to attack him. Oikawa knocked the sword out of his hand, and swung his own sword up to the man’s neck with one hand. Pretty good technique for a weapon literally called “two-hander.” “It seems our fun is just beginning!”

 

Kageyama found it hard to match Oikawa’s exuberance, even as they managed to disarm the bandits and escape their clutches. At least there they learned not to trust random patches of caragana in the middle of prairies. Always a good lesson.

 

They kept on, the landscape changing from generic fantasy - also known as the writer’s native countryside - to… other generic fantasy, though ones that the author was much less familiar with. They passed through large swathes of farmland, bogs filled with fairy lights, swamps with water as high as their throats, threatening to drown them like a poorly thought out metaphor on early eighteenth century French farm life – this sentence got away from me.

 

After weeks of rugged living, which left Kageyama tired and achy and Oikawa’s hair somehow still perfect, they heard the sound of a rushing river off in the distance. It was the sound of Nfinity River, which marked the end of cultivated land and the beginning of the dark forest of Devilwood.

 

Kageyama swallowed, bracing his pack against his shoulders. Oikawa continued on, apparently oblivious to the danger they were approaching.

 

Nfinity River was quite the raging one, with no chance to cross it by swimming as they had all previous bodies of water and completely lacking in bridges. Let’s hope that one of the things King Keishin is working on in the meantime is civil infrastructure, since his kingdom seems to be missing quite a few bridges. At least they had decent roads, though.

 

The two adventurers followed the river upstream for a bit, trying to find a place to cross, whether it was a bridge or perhaps even a ferry. Eventually, Oikawa caught sight of a plume of smoke distance. With another pass around a clump of trees, it revealed itself to be next to a small building perched on the bank. Below it there was a dock with a moored boat. A flag advertised the place as a rest stop.

 

“What do you know, Tobio-chan!” Oikawa said. “I found us a ferry!”

 

Kageyama glanced to the right, and frowned at the neat road that lead to the building. “We probably would have found it an hour ago if you hadn’t taken us down the wrong road in the last town.”

 

“How was I supposed to know it only lead to a magical swamp where the villagers sacrificed beautiful young women to a vicious swamp king in a yearly ceremony? Besides, we rescued the girls, didn’t we?”

 

Kageyama sighed, thinking Oikawa had missed the point somewhat. Mostly, though, he just wanted to get on with the quest.

 

They entered the ferryman’s building to the chiming of the bells that hung above the door. It was a suspiciously normal looking place.

 

“We need a ferry!” Oikawa declared as he skipped inside.

 

The person behind the desk looked up, a slight frown creasing his face. He was apparently used to people wandering in with massive swords hanging off their backs, and didn’t react to Oikawa and Kageyama’s weaponry at all.

 

“Ah, I’m sorry,” he said. “The ferry isn’t actually running right now.”

 

“Seriously?” Kageyama said.

 

The young man ran a hand through his short grey hair. “I wish they were running, believe me! But we’ve been having some trouble with that.”

 

“Trouble?” Oikawa asked, perking up. Kageyama pulled away from him, wishing he could get away with pretending he didn’t know him.

 

“Yes.” The young man stepped up to a window, the wooden shutters of which had been pulled open to reveal a view of the wide river and the cliffs on the other side. “See that over there?” He pointed. Kageyama squinted, and saw a small flat area at the base of the cliff. A rough stairway had been cut into the stone above it. “That’s where we should leave our guests, but every time we do, they race back towards the river and try to swim back. Ten people have already drowned that way.”

 

Oikawa looked mildly surprised at that, or maybe it was just the blasé way the young man reported this story. People take horrible news really well in this generic fantasy kingdom.

 

“Do you know what’s making them do that?” Kageyama asked.

 

The young man gave an awkward half-shrug. “Well, my husband was able to bring most of them back safely – those who ran said that they heard this most awful sound, like a cat screaming.”

 

“Ugh,” Kageyama said. That really was an awful noise, though he wasn’t sure he would throw himself in raging rapids to escape it.

 

“Well then, if it’s just something like that, there’s no worries!” Oikawa said. Both Kageyama and the young man looked up at his chirps. “We’ll get rid of this monster for you!”

 

“That would be a great help,” the young man. The shop bell rang again as someone entered. “Ah, Daichi! Great news – these people say they’ll help us get rid of the monster!”

 

Daichi – who was presumably the actual ferryman, given the size of his arms – walked across the small building, surveying the two adventurers. He put his arm around his husband’s shoulder, half-glaring at a mostly oblivious Oikawa.

 

“Did they? Well, we might as well let them do that for us,” he said. “I’ll go get the boat ready.”

 

Kageyama grabbed at the back of Oikawa’s cloak before the hero could wander off after Daichi.

 

“Don’t we want to talk about this first?” Kageyama said. “We don’t know what we’re getting into.”

 

“It’ll be fine, Tobio-chan!” Oikawa said. “After all, these two fellows are fine, aren’t they? Besides, we don’t have much of a choice if we want to get into the heart of Devilwood.”

 

Neither hero noticed, but at the sound of that accursed name, both the ferryman and his husband shared a look.

 

“Do you think we should warn them, Suga?” Daichi asked.

 

His husband shrugged. “If they can take care of this monster, they’ll probably be fine. Probably.”

 

Once everything was all set, Daichi took the two heroes - or hero and sidekick, depending on how you measured it - across the rapids, Suga waiting on the dock for his return. The river wasn’t so wide that you couldn’t see across, and the ferry crossed at a place where it came in to sort of bottleneck. Just down river, the power of the water increased. Kageyama hoped that this Daichi was as good of a ferryman as he seemed to be.

 

In the distance, above the rush of the water, they could hear something high and animalistic.

 

“Hear it now?” Daichi asked. The boat lurched like it was about to overturn. “As soon as it starts up, people begin to want to throw themselves into the water to escape. They’re a pain to save, especially since it’s not _that_ annoying.”

 

Says him.

 

The boat gave another lurch and for a moment Kageyama felt his stomach drop as he though they would be smashed against the rocks. Then Daichi pulled them into the lee beneath some shining rocks that jutted out from the river, well away from the one really large, deadly-looking one, and the boat ceased its perilous rocking.

 

“But at least you two seem to know what you’re doing,” the ferryman finished, hooking the boat to a post there for just that use. “I’ll stay with the boat in case you need a rescue.”

 

“We won’t!” Oikawa said cheerfully. He stepped onto shore as Kageyama pulled himself out of the boat and onto the damp rocks, taking a minute to fully appreciate the solid ground.

 

He used the time to listen, too, and the sound was definitely louder. It did sound like a cat screaming – seriously, what a hideous sound, do I have to keep typing those two words? Gives me goose bumps – but there was something else.

 

“Come on, Tobio-chan – it’s coming from the top of the cliff!” Oikawa said, bounding up the stairs.

 

Kageyama cursed the hero’s longer legs as he followed him up. As they got closer, the wail got more distinct, and both of them realised that it didn’t sound completely like an animal’s voice. In fact, it sounded rather like the words “Help me!”

 

It broke off as they got to the top of the hill. There was nothing but trees, and one at the very edge of the cliff, with a pretty good view of most of the river and the rest stop across of it, was mostly dead. The rest were vibrant with summer greenery, but this one was without leaves, its grey bark stripped away to reveal the paleness beneath. It looked like a really good place to hang a hero from spider silk, if there had been any flesh-eating fish in the tiny pond beneath it. Not that I’d know anything about good places to hang heroes from. On the other hand, there didn’t seem to be anything that Oikawa or Kageyama could see that could have caused that atrocious sound.

 

“That took long enough,” came a small, tired voice from the top of the dead tree. Both young men looked up fast enough to crack their necks.

 

Kageyama rubbed his as he looked for the origins of the sound. Squinting, he focused on a small form about three quarters of the way up. It was a small cat, with long fur dark brown flecked with pale yellow. He was laying on the branch looking pretty comfortable, except for the fully extended claws biting into the bark. His two tails were held out straight behind him.

 

“Need help?” Oikawa asked.

 

The cat gave a small, noncommittal shrug, like he hadn’t just been yowling for help. Kageyama could have throttled the thing. That might have resulted in bad things from the other though, so instead he just walked up to the tree.

 

“Tobio-chan?” Oikawa said, and it was clear from his tone of voice that Kageyama was the one who was going to climb it, not him.

 

“On it,” Kageyama grumbled into the tree trunk. He was pretty sure he had better things to be doing than rescuing cats from trouble they had gotten their own damn selves into.

 

He could sort of understand the two-tailed cat’s feelings once he was up there, though. It was a really long drop down. He gathered the cat into his arms, his short legs pressing into his chest, and he wriggled onto his shoulders, nearly costing the young man his grip and shoving his twin two-toned tails into his face.

 

Slowly, he got them both down to the forest floor. The cat slunk off his shoulders, landing on his feet and giving a small swish of his tails.

 

“Thanks, I guess,” the cat muttered. “I climbed up the tree, and I got stuck up there. I’d probably have starved to death if I was there any longer.”

 

“Aw, that’s quite alright!” Oikawa said. “We were glad to help!”

 

 _Not that you did anything_ , Kageyama thought, glaring at him.

 

“I guess I should give you something in thanks,” the cat said. He stepped delicately over to a small hollow at the base of the tree, and pulled out a small black and red bag. After a few minutes of rummaging in it, he pulled out two things – a cat toy made out of catnip, and a package of carefully wrapped taiyaki. _Ew_ , how long was that there for? “These are my treasures. They’ll help you on your quest, probably.”

 

Kageyama didn’t look particularly impressed. Oikawa, though, picked up the cat’s gifts and put them into his adventuring bag.

 

“Thank you!” he said. “Ah, come to think – we should probably go tell the ferryman that we succeeded.” He glanced over his shoulder, back towards the stone staircase.

 

“I’ll do that,” said the cat. “You need to rescue the prince, don’t you?”

 

Kageyama’s eyebrow twitched. “How do you know that?”

 

The cat gave another vague shrug. “Cats talk. Besides, we like the princesses, and don’t want to see them upset.” Then the cat was gone with a vague flick of his tail, disappearing down the stone staircase.

 

Kageyama turned to Oikawa, trying to get a rational explanation out of _someone_ , but the hero had already started walking away, practically skipping through the underbrush.

 

“Don’t you think we should maybe go back and ask the ferryman for advice or something?” Kageyama asked. “He seems to know there area, and if there’s anything weird like that cat left… Come to think, we don’t even know if that cat won’t do anything now that he’s free. What if he turns evil or something? I mean, just the sound of his voice was enough to send ten people to their deaths.”

 

“Ahhh they’ll be fine!” Oikawa said. “It’s just a demon cat. Besides, Tobio-chan, where’s your sense of adventure? We’ll find our way out of this just fine!”

 

Kageyama was left with the distinct sense that the ferryman really would have been able to offer better advice, at least more so than this man, who he was beginning to suspect had mislead a lot of people into a false sense of trusting his intelligence.

 

And so our intrepid adventurers continued on their journey – thwarting thieves! Bashing beasts! And selling their pelts for ridiculous prices to sketchy business men! A grand adventure, all things considered.


	2. Here is Devilwood!! Part 2

Act IV

 

Days passed, full of adventure! Our heroes, after a long week of heroism, found themselves ever deeper into the warm embrace of Devilwood. They were still within the realms of human habitation, so nothing too bad had happened yet, beyond Oikawa managing to get them lost by choosing the wrong road. But they hadn’t been _attacked_ by anything – therefore, Oikawa argued, it didn’t _count_ as a bad thing.

 

Once they found the correct road – really more of a game trail, but that was unimportant to such intrepid adventurers – they decided to stay the night at the small inn at the crossroad between the trail and a larger road going in so wrong a direction for their needs that it wasn’t really worth noticing. One of the great things about traveling in a fantasy land is the number of inns readily available for tired travelers, and their cheap prices so one never runs out of money. And the guidebook said that inns would only be available in urban areas. Tsk!

 

Oikawa and Kageyama found the inn just as darkness was gathering and what little light there was had turned red. Ominous, yes, but red sky at night to adventurer’s delight, I always say.

 

They entered the inn, with a bit of a clamour thanks to Oikawa’s overly long sword, and immediately the innkeepers looked up.

 

One of them, with glasses and a rather pissed-off air about him, immediately looked straight ahead at no one in particular. “This is ridiculous,” he said.

 

At least you’re safe from Furudate leaving you in first year for three years, so count your blessings. Besides, I’ve said enough this act and we’re only 270 words in, so try not to break the fourth wall too much. We’re a Greenwood parody, so it’s rather delicate.

 

“Tsukki?” his colleague asked, looking slightly bewildered. “Who are you talking to?”

 

Tsukishima didn’t reply, and instead just turned to his guests. “Can I help you?” he asked pointedly, making it sound like if they actually did need help, he would probably walk away.

 

“Food and alcohol,” Oikawa said immediately. In the boondocks, you can get away with anything, including underage drinking. Just do it responsibly. “And a room, if you’ve any available.”

 

“We have a couple on the second floor,” the other innkeeper said, clearly trying to avoid the brewing fight. Also, way to prove the guidebook right for once, Yamaguchi! Always playing by the rules, that one.

 

“Sounds good to us.” Oikawa gave him a flashy grin, and Yamaguchi pulled back slightly with an awkward smile.

 

“Do you want one bed or two?” Yamaguchi asked, double-checking the rooms they had available.

 

Oikawa blinked. “Two, of course. Why would we need only one?”

 

Knowing where the conversation was going, Kageyama immediately covered his ears with his hands, hoping to avoid the most awkward part of the conversation. A bit late there, friend. Instead, he just missed Yamaguchi apologising for completely misreading the atmosphere.

 

They were seated at one of the small tables that filled the bottom part of the inn, more of a café than the long tables that probably should have been in use. Yamaguchi brought over the food and the nebulously legal alcohol Oikawa had ordered. Tsukishima spent most of the time glaring over Yamaguchi’s shoulder at them and ignoring the handful of other customers lurking in the shadows around the inn.

 

“While we’re here,” Kageyama muttered at the food, though clearly he meant it to the innkeepers. “How far is it to the Devilwood Road?”

 

Yamaguchi nearly dropped the platter he was carrying. “The Devilwood Road? Why - why would you follow that road willingly? You’ll die!”

 

“’Willingly’ is… kind of a strong term,” Kageyama said, though whether he was heard or not was another question.

 

At the name Devilwood even Tsukishima took a step forward, frowning behind his glasses. Since it was his usual expression it wasn’t much of a change. “It’s not far off from here,” he said. “If you follow that small road out there, you’ll eventually find it. But once you get there, you’ll get lost. The trees are enchanted to trap people. No one has ever managed to traverse it. Ah – actually, I don’t think anyone’s ever come back, either.”

 

Yamaguchi shook his head. “Not since we’ve been here, at least.”

 

I worry about your kingdom sometimes, Keishin.

 

And with those words weighing heavily on our heroes shoulders, Tsukishima turned on his heel to find something more worthy of his time. Yamaguchi set down the last platter, and then hesitantly did the same. Oikawa and Kageyama exchanged a look, not saying anything.

 

Later that night, Oikawa and Kageyama found themselves in the spacious and well-kept _two-bed_ room they had been given. Oikawa’s sword rested against the door frame, next to a pile of his clothes set down on the bedside table. Kageyama kept adjusting the blankets, clearly nervous.

 

“Scared, Tobio-chan?”

 

Kageyama whipped around, glaring. Oikawa was resting on the bed with his head against the wall, his ponytail undone and brown hair falling in soft waves to his shoulders, smiling with a glint in his eye. It matched the airy tone in his voice. He was the exact picture of someone who needed a pillow thrown at his face.

 

Alas, Oikawa had struck a nerve, and Kageyama wasn’t really right of mind to use the implements at hand.

 

Oikawa continued, “You _can_ stay behind, you know. It’s plenty dangerous and we don’t know if we’ll survive. If you turned back, I probably wouldn’t think any less of you.”

 

“I’ve already come this far, so…” Kageyama grumbled. He pulled off his shirt and slid into bed.

 

Oikawa shrugged. “Have it your way.” He got into bed himself.

 

A few minutes of silence passed. Kageyama lay on his side, glaring holes into the wall. There was a question buzzing in the back of his mind, but he didn’t really want to ask it, because that would mean giving Oikawa the opportunity to talk more.

 

Kageyama gave a silent sigh, knowing he probably wouldn’t be able to sleep otherwise.

 

“Why did you agree to this?” he asked.

 

Oikawa made a light, sing-song sound. “Well, my country isn’t precisely wealthy, so the gold is welcome. But…” His voice seemed to darken, like a cloud passing across the moon. “The affair with the prince is little more than a convenient coincidence. The Demon King Spalding’s real name is Hajime Iwaizumi. We were… friends, growing up.”

 

Kageyama sat up, looking over across the room. The pale moonlight draped over Oikawa’s face, which had become a stony mask as he looked up to the ceiling, clearly seeing something that wasn’t there.

 

“We were from the same village, Iwa-chan and I. We even became apprentices to the same teacher, Sorcerer Irihata. One day though, a black sorcerer appeared and burned down our whole village. Irihata-sensei tried to protect us, but he died, too. A spike to the chest. Iwa-chan wanted to know what the black sorcerer could teach him, so he went off to become his apprentice. I decided to take the path of the sword to go after him. Eventually I hear that the sorcerer had died, and so I suppose that I’ll have to finish the other one off myself…”

 

Oikawa’s voice drifted off. Kageyama waited for him to continue, feeling his own heart beating loudly in his chest. He could hear Oikawa’s breathing, surprisingly steady for what he had just said. In the distance, he could hear the _ohohoho_ of a horned owl. Minutes drifted by, and Kageyama open his mouth to inquire more before he realised that Oikawa had fallen asleep.

 

Kageyama quietly whacked his palm into his forehead and sunk back into the pillows. Because of _course_ that would happen to him. He flipped over, pulled up the sheets, and made himself fall asleep as well.

 

Act V

 

Oikawa and Kageyama left early the next morning, waved off with good wishes from Yamaguchi and something like mocking derision from Tsukishima.

 

They found the Devilwood Road exactly where the innkeeper had said it would be, given that most roads aren’t in the habit of moving around without being told. Garden paths, on the other hand, will do that and more, but that’s not really the issue here.

 

The two heroes wasted no time in setting down the Road and deeper into the woods. Oikawa, showing no trace of last night’s seriousness, turned his face so he was practically basking in the light, smiling like he was trying to rival the sun’s radiance.

 

“A maze is only a problem if you try and rush it,” he said, like he was thinking of something else. “So let’s take this nice and easy, Tobio-chan!”

 

Kageyama had given up trying to convince Oikawa to call him something more dignified quite some time ago. Instead he just followed Oikawa and glowered.

 

They walked down the long road, the morning sun’s warmth quickly being replaced by the coolness of the shadows cast by the trees. Tall trees cast long shadows, after all. It took a while, but eventually both Kageyama and Oikawa came to the same conclusion: they were _hella_ lost.

 

“This is just typical of Iwa-chan,” Oikawa said, quickening his step like he could out run the enchantments. Kageyama followed behind, not being given even a moment to catch his breath as he toiled beneath the heavy load of their packs. He really wished Oikawa would give him a hand, but that would probably have messed up his hair or something.

 

After about an hour of running around, both of them were pretty near collapsing.

 

“Are you sure this is the right direction?” Kageyama asked.

 

“Nope!” Oikawa replied. He sat down, leaning back against a tree with a _thuk_ , and looked up into its branches. Between them he could see fractions of the sky. “Hmm. Tobio-chan, climb this tree!”

 

“What? Why? And why me?”

 

“Because you’ve already proven you’re good at it. Besides, if you go up there, you’ll probably be able to see clear to the edge of the forest. Go see if you can’t find Iwa-chan’s castle from up there!”

 

Kageyama sighed heavily and left his pack next to Oikawa before he started to climb. Kageyama managed to shimmy up the trunk, thankful that at least there wasn’t a two-tailed cat screeching at him and he wasn’t in danger of being clawed by one, either.

 

“Well?” Oikawa called up when he had reached the top. “Can you see anything?”

 

Clinging to the top of the tree, Kageyama peered out across to the horizon. There was nothing but trees under blue sky dotted only slightly with clouds. He twisted around, trying to look back the way they’d come, but once again saw nothing but an expanse of leaves, interspersed with the occasional skeletal dead tree. There wasn’t a trace of the road, or of any human habitation. Just their luck.

 

“Trees,” he yelled back down.

 

Oikawa sighed. “Helpful! That’s probably a camouflage spell. Can you see anything else? Water or… anything?”

 

Slowly Kageyama turned back, scanning north and west. His eyes caught on something, a break in the trees, just a half click from where they were. It was very little, but it was something.

 

He climbed down the tree, trying to keep his eyes on the trunk in front of him and not looking down. The tree was taller than he had thought.

 

“There’s a clearing just ahead,” he told Oikawa when he was safely down on terra firma. “There may be something there.”

 

“Hmm, so Tobio-chan _is_ good for something!”

 

“Please don’t say that when I’ve been doing most of the work so far.”

 

Oikawa ignored him, choosing instead to start walking. Kageyama grabbed the pack and started after him.

 

They found their way towards the clearing, hacking their way through the undergrowth with all the grace of a rampaging badger – mostly Kageyama, – nearly falling into gopher holes – Oikawa, surprisingly, - and generally having a minor adventure through the woods. It was all very exciting.

 

The clearing seemed to have been made around a run-down shrine, which was really out of place in the pseudo-European fantasy world, but then again a church would have been too, so in the end I suppose it doesn’t matter that much. Call it a return to authorial regionalisms. Oikawa and Kageyama crept up to it, because tiny shrines in the middle of a forest are generally cause for a healthy dose of suspicion. Plus, this one seemed to have a foreboding sense about it. Maybe it grew poisonous mushrooms?

 

Oikawa looked it over, looking for traces of the Demon King’s magic. He was pretty sure that Iwaizumi would hide his lair better than this, but it never hurt to look.

 

“Looks like nothing,” he said to Kageyama, who had stayed a proper distance away. “Let’s go!”

 

They both turned away and started walking around the shrine.

 

A sudden cackle filled the clearing. Oikawa and Kageyama stopped where they were, halfway back into the woods, less frightened and more just mildly curious. The laughter _was_ rather loud, and it broke off rather suddenly.

 

“Hey, where do you think you’re going?” a gruff voice called after them. A shadow slunk out of the shrine door, human shaped with broad shoulders and black cat ears and two black tails and hair that needed a brush even more than Princess Hinata’s. “Don’t you know that this is cat demon territory? Do you really think you can just walk past us?”

 

Oikawa raised his eyebrows in mock surprise, already pretty sure that he’d be able to take this little demon. And then he blinked, realising that the demon was actually taller than him. Just by a little bit though, so most of Oikawa’s pride was still intact.

 

“Erm, yes?” Oikawa offered, though he wasn’t quite sure anymore.

 

“Insolence!” the bakeneko snapped. “Besides, what sort of monsters are you? Any human that walks into our lair should be turned into pike mackerel, then grilled and seasoned liberally with salt!”

 

“Hmm… maybe it’s due to our supernatural good looks? By which I mean my good looks and the fact that Tobio-chan’s glare could probably repel a death curse.”

 

Kageyama glared at him, then realised that it was exactly what Oikawa wanted, and instead glared at the cat demon. There was a rustle from the undergrowth behind him and Kageyama whirled around. He was too slow, though, and he found himself wrapped in the long arms of another cat demon. He tried to fight – the bakeneko wasn’t _that_ much taller than him, he was sure – but found that it really wasn’t useful. So instead he glared up at the demon, his bright green eyes glaring amusedly right back at him. This one had really large silver ears and really long, snake-like tails. He was the sort to start enchanting people around him, with tails like that. Though, to be fair, most cats I know would only enchant their owners into opening another can of food, so it probably wasn’t much cause for concern.

 

Another bakeneko, shorter and with brown ears that curled forward, had grabbed Oikawa. Since Oikawa wasn’t fighting, he wasn’t held in the same death grip Kageyama found himself in.

 

“Eh, I guess it doesn’t matter,” the black-eared bakeneko said. “Either way, we’ll be able to take you on.” He gave a wide grin. Clearly, they’re all mad here.

 

“Oh, I might have a trick or two up my sleeve,” Oikawa said. And while the Scottish fold’s grip was still loose, he reached into a pocket and pulled out one of the taiyaki the nekomata had given them earlier. He’d been planning on eating the thing at some point – wouldn’t it be like biting into a rock? Not fun! – except now instead he threw the taiyaki as far as he could, and immediately the silver-eared bakeneko let go of Kageyama. He leapt up about twenty centimeters and grabbed the baked good right out of the air and landed, biting off its head. Apparently, it had custard filling.

 

Oikawa blinked. He’d meant to throw the catnip toy, but this would work for now. And it meant he had the toy as a bargaining chip for later.

 

The Scottish fold sighed. “Can’t you even hold onto captives like a normal person?”

 

The silver bakeneko’s ear twitched, but given his interest in the taiyaki, it was entirely possible that he wasn’t listening.

 

Oikawa pulled out another one of the taiyaki, and offered it to the Scottish fold. “Want one?”

 

The Scottish fold frowned, then took the taiyaki in one hand and walked over to the silver bakenenko and pulled him up by the back of his shirt so that at least he wasn’t crouching in the undergrowth like some sort of stray.

 

“Aren’t these taiyaki the ones Kenma was going to get?” the Scottish fold asked, giving the custard taiyaki a sniff. What did I _just_ say about putting weird things in your mouth, cat?

 

The black cat’s ears flicked forward. “What, really? How did you end up with them?”

 

Oikawa tilted his head. “Kenma? I have no idea. A nekomata gave them to us because Tobio-chan here rescued him from a tree.”

 

The black cat looked kind of alarmed, and also like he was about to run off to find this Kenma cat. Oikawa waved the third and final taiyaki in front of his face. The black cat snatched it away, looking rather thoughtful.

 

“Well, I guess we owe you for that and the taiyaki. And in apology for attacking you.” He scratched at the back of his head, somehow leaving his hair in worse shape than it had started out.

 

“That would definitely please me,” Oikawa replied.

 

“Lev, Yaku,” the black cat said. “Go get the things.”

 

The silver-eared cat looked completely lost, but the Scottish fold grabbed his arm and dragged him up the creaking steps into the shrine. After a few minutes of rummaging around, the two of them remerged. The silver-eared one was carrying pieces of armour, a chest piece and arm guards made of silver and bluish-grey metals, while the Scottish fold held a large, sheathed sword that he handed to Kageyama.

 

“What’s this?” Oikawa asked as he was handed the armour.

 

“Magic, what else do you thing?” the black cat said. “That is the Sword of Defense and the Armour of Assault.”

 

“Isn’t that backwards?” Oikawa asked. Kageyama had been wondering the same thing.

 

“Nope,” the black cat replied with a grin.

 “Well, at least it’ll come in handy for fighting the Demon King,” Oikawa said, checking out his nifty new armour. And it really was nifty – the colour suited him and everything!

 

All three of the cats looked over at him, ears twisting. The black cat frowned like Oikawa had brought up something distasteful.

 

“You’re going to fight the Demon King?” the Scottish fold asked. Oooh, so there is a story here! Let’s let the kitten continue. “We cats used to rule most of the forest. But Demon King Spalding took over and built his castle. His magic scared away most of the prey and the humans left, which meant that we had to go away to get food. If he was defeated, then peace could return to our land.”

 

Even the silver-eared cat, holding a taiyaki tail, looked somewhat sober at that thought.

 

The black cat pointed lazily with a hand. Er, paw? He has opposable thumbs, so let’s go with hand. “The Demon King’s castle is only about half a day’s journey towards the setting sun. So go and rat him out for us, would you?”

 

“I think we can do that,” Oikawa said with a smile.

 

Oikawa and Kageyama left the cats to their taiyaki as they continued on, their step quickened by the proximity of their quarry.

 

“I didn’t see any castle when I was up in that tree,” Kageyama said. “Are you sure those cats have it right?” Cats might _seem_ cool and all, but you have to question the directional sense of any creature who attacks a wildlife documentary about birds.

 

“Well they’re probably trustworthy, given that they live here,” Oikawa said, sounding much surer of it all than he probably should. “At the very least let’s give in a shot. If we don’t find anything by dusk, then we’ll turn around. But doubtlessly we’ll run into some…”

 

There was another crack from the undergrowth, and Oikawa turned, half expecting it to be one of the bakeneko. Instead, a three-eyed bear reared out of the bushes and leapt at him. Oikawa didn’t have time to pull his sword, the only reaction he could process was the wild racing of his heart as he fell over and the bear fell on him.

 

There was a _shiiing_ and suddenly the growling stopped. Oikawa hesitantly opened his eyes, and saw that the bear had been impaled on a sword that had suddenly shot out from his chest plate.

 

“Ahhh, I see,” he said, regaining his cool. “Armour of _Assault_.”

 

Kageyama didn’t really know what to say to such a ridiculous concept and so just stood there, dumbstruck.

 

Unbeknownst to them, though, they were being watched. Well, they _were_ in a forest that more or less belong to a demon king, so I’m not sure why they didn’t expect that, but the point stands. They were being watched by a crow demon, just big enough to be able to snatch up a dumpling and carry it across most of a kingdom. It knew that the two heroes were fast approaching, and that the cats had betrayed their contract to the demon king. Also note: don’t trust cats to obey contracts, even if they are able to sign them. So it flapped off towards the lowering sun, towards the jumble of towers our heroes didn’t see, and then swooped down. Trying very hard not to be distracted by the polished candle holders and well-shined floors, it flapped up to the shoulder of the Demon King Spalding, and began to croak into his ear.

 

The Demon King frowned, and tilted his head, almost like he was looking forward to the coming encounter.

 

Oh my, I wonder why that could be.

 

Act VI

 

Back in the forest, a minor scuffle was taking place, by which I mean Oikawa and Kageyama were being attacked by demonic forest creatures. Kageyama was keeping them at bay with the Sword of Defense, and with a slash of the sword he decapitated the snake they were fighting.

 

Oikawa gave a clap, which was only partially sarcastic. “You’re getting good at that!”

 

“Please don’t applaud when you have a dead bird hanging from your hand,” Kageyama said.

 

Oikawa smiled. “But we can _eat_ this one – it’ll be tasty!”

 

Glowering, Kageyama wiped down the edge of the Sword and put it back in its sheath. Oikawa wandered off to go start a fire. I hope he kept it down to just a campfire.

 

As Oikawa was displaying an unusual talent for cooking demonic chickens, Kageyama thought back to the fight, a thought occurring to him. He pulled the sword back out, looking over its flat, blunted blade and roughly wrapped hilt. I’ve seen more dangerous iron clubs.

 

“It’s like it just moves to block opponents,” he said, thinking over the last couple of fights he had used it in.

 

“That would be the ‘Sword of _Defense_ ’ part,” Oikawa pointed out. “Have some of this bird. It’ll help you grow!”

 

Annoyed, Kageyama grabbed the drumstick out of his hand. “Are you even sure those cats led us to the right place? How do we even know we can trust him?”

 

Oikawa paused, that dark look coming back to his eyes. “Yeah, I think we can. It’s feeling more like _his_ magic. Plus…” He picked up the uncooked decapitated bird head – ew, damnit Oikawa! – and threw it beak-first into the bushes, right onto a demonic praying mantis. Well, that’s definitely one way to get rid of pests – though for what it’s worth, I think I’ll take the bugs. “I can confirm that there’s more monsters, which is a good sign when searching for a Demon King.”

 

The decapitated bird head promptly ate the mantis. It was gross. Kageyama looked away, no longer really wanting to eat the drumstick. Oikawa didn’t seem to mind it. Stomach of steel, that one.

 

So after that rudely interrupted lunch, our heroes set back off. Given the timeframe the bakeneko had given them, they would be approaching the Demon King’s castle in very little time. The maze was becoming more difficult, but as they approached it was like Oikawa had gained a sixth sense for the thing, and he guided them rather well. Above the crackling of the underbrush – the sticks beneath their booted feet, the leaves brushing up against their pants – a new sound trickled in. A soft _shhhh_ , like the sound of distant waves.

 

Kageyama cocked his head, listening, trying to figure out what the sound was. With another listen, it was sounding less like waves, and more like something else…

 

Oikawa pushed through a large patch of caragana, narrowly avoiding tripping over a root. Kageyama didn’t have such good luck, and stumbled into Oikawa’s back, as the hero had stopped on the other side of the bush. Kageyama righted himself, and looked up, blinking in disbelief. Dead ahead of them was a twist of a spire, the very top of a castle’s tower, jutting out of a massive crevice. The crevice stretched on in all directions, a rough triangle that spread wide and down deep. Peering cautiously over the edge of the cliff, they stared down into the abyss. It wasn’t really much of an abyss, though – it was filled with a castle, decorated with all sorts of turrets and walls and crenels and all other things people give their fantasy castles. It looked like the sort of place that has a grotto on the sixth floor and has no practical purpose.

 

Wind whistled through the towers and Kageyama peered down, unable to see where the castle connected to the ground. The growing dusk masked a lot.

 

“So what now?” he asked.

 

“We find a way down, of course!” Oikawa replied. Indeed, he appeared to be looking for just that, hand shading his eyes from the red sunlight. Boys, please don’t climb down cliffs in the half-dark.

 

“How?”

 

“Hmm… Well, the castle must be attached to something. It’s not floating away, after all. So there must be a way to get in from down there.” Oikawa smiled brightly. “This way, Tobio-chan!”

 

He had found something that looked almost like hand-holds, and started on his way down. After a few moments, Kageyama followed.

 

As he climbed, he felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up. “They can see us from the castle,” he said aloud as he realised it.

 

“Mmm,” Oikawa replied. “But I don’t think we’ll be too bothered on our way down. So just keep your hands and feet moving, and we’ll be there in no time.”

 

Kageyama’s eyebrows knitted together, and he concentrated on climbing down, careful not to miss a single hand hold, which might send him or both of them tumbling to their deaths. Still, he could help but get goose-bumps from the feeling of evil rolling off the castle’s impractical number of towers. With the growing dark that cloaked them ever more with each passing meter, he couldn’t help feel that it was like they were passing straight into the mouth of hell itself.

 

Creepy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Being a first year for three years: In trope terms, this is generally called “comic book time,” and a lot of manga set in high school, including Greenwood, uses it. However, mid-way through the series, Nasu decided to change it up, allowing the third years to graduate and the school to get new students. (Read: victims.) Cue jokes about Hasukawa (and Shun, and the rest of the first years) having toughened up after three years of being first years with some rather tough upperclassmen. They were not allowed to graduate, however, as Suka and Shun being third years would have lost half of the series’ main cast. Furudate, though, seems unlikely to do the same.
> 
> Greenwood and the fourth wall: As previously mentioned, this happens a lot, up to and including characters’ point out plot holes, bringing up plot points, or pointing out the author’s clear desire to ditch work for a while and go on vacation somewhere warm. It’s a bit harder to do in a written medium, but I tried.
> 
> Garden paths: A reference to the Tales from the Five Kingdoms series by Vivian French, an ongoing series of short kid’s books, currently at six volumes. Also irreverent fantasy, but much funnier than me. And very adorable, to boot!
> 
> “… the sort to start enchanting people around him, with tails like that.”: Apparently, there’s superstitions about long-tailed cats in Japan – specifically, that such cats have the ability to enchant and possess, much like foxes. This is one of the reasons bobtail cats are so popular there. Well, that and the fact that they’re adorable.
> 
> The Sword of Defense’s appearance: It may or may not be a shout-out to the Heart of War from The Legend of Eli Monpress by Rachel Aaron. I’m sure the Heart would be disappointed in me for this reference, but I made it anyway. 
> 
> “If you asked me, it looked more like the sort of place that has a grotto on the sixth floor and has no practical purpose.”: Most fantasy castles in visual media are based on one place, by one means or another: Neuschwanstein, a castle built 1869-1892 by King Ludwig II of Bavaria. Since Ludwig was something of a fanboy himself – of Arthurian legends and Wagner – it’s rather fitting. What isn’t very fitting is that the castle has no practical purpose. It was built long after castles needed to be used for defense, so it’s an impractical model for fantasy realms. But it – or at least, its image – is still very popular for it. There’s at least one edition of a Chronicles of Narnia book with it on the back cover, even! Part of its popularity, in addition to being Bavaria’s biggest tourist attraction, is that it was the model for Sleeping Beauty’s Castle in the Disney parks and media. Even so, I think the original really is the best, architectural non-purity and lack of practicality be damned. And yes, there is a grotto on the sixth floor – there’s also a reason Ludwig II is sometimes called “the Mad King,” even if that might not be fully accurate.


	3. Here is Devilwood!! Part 3

Act VII

 

The rock cliff was proving to be a challenge, harsher than anything Kageyama had yet encountered. Mostly because, while he was apparently great at climbing trees, his rock climbing skills were as rusty as a bucket of screws left in the rain, and most of his muscles were locked in a great amount of pain. They _had_ to be close to the end of the cliff – it just didn’t make sense that it would continue any longer. Plus, it was now full dark. The only light they had to see their footholds was the half-moon, which isn’t really great on brightness.

 

“Not much longer now!” Oikawa called. He sounded cheerful, but it was also fairly obvious that his voice was strained. He was beginning to feel the height of the cliff too. “And it’s just like Iwa-chan to build something like –“ His foot slipped on the last rock and he found himself slipping, trying to grab on to whatever he could – he reached out for a handhold, missed, and then found himself at the mercy of open air.

 

Kageyama whirled, trying to see what was going on, and lost his own grip. He fell, cursing everything from cats to the damn dumpling child.

 

He slammed into the sand back first, and was very thankful he hadn’t landed on top of Oikawa. Not only would that have been awkward, but also probably would have resulted in Kageyama getting impaled by Oikawa’s nifty armour. Then Kageyama realised that he was actually able to be thankful, and sat up. Sand shifted down his pleasantly alive body, resulting in the incredibly unpleasant sensation of it getting into his shirt. Oikawa was also fine, getting up and shaking himself off with the air of one who never got sand in untoward places – or in his hair, for that matter. That was still perfect. Kageyama looked around, and saw nothing but sand turned silver in the moonlight.

 

“It’s sand,” he said, stating the obvious. The entire valley floor, up to the dark mass of the castle, was covered in it.

 

“That it is,” Oikawa said, standing. He took a couple of steps to test the friction of the sand-coated floor to make sure they wouldn’t sink. Finding it to be fine, he kept on, then promptly sunk down to his waist with a curse.

 

Kageyama raced over to him, falling to his knees and trying to dig Oikawa out. Oikawa, being an experienced adventurer, knew very well what to do while being sunk into fantasy quicksand, and so stayed still, trying to help Kageyama get himself out. Neither of them noticed the vibrations in the sand until the sandworms reared out of it. Oikawa pulled himself out just in time, and unsheathed the sword on his back as he raced towards the worm. Kageyama followed after, the Sword of Defense in his hand.

 

Oikawa skittered to a halt.

 

“Nope, too big,” he said. The worms were several times a person’s size. “Get to the castle!”

 

Kageyama could do that, and promptly did, Oikawa following after.

 

There was a window up ahead, the sand piled up against it until it was almost even with the sill. Perfect height for the adventurer in need of escaping from murderous sandbeasts. Kageyama raced in, but apparently hadn’t realise that it was a window, not a door, and so found himself falling once again. He really wished he was better at jumping – it might have helped him know how to land.

 

Somehow, he would up not smashing his face into the flagstones on the floor. He got out of the way as quickly as he could before Oikawa could tumble down on top of him. Impalements by armour avoided count: two.

 

A sword came whooshing past Kageyama’s ear and he dodged. He adjusted his grip on his own sword, turning to face the opponents head-on. Then he realised they were skeletons draped in robes. Their creepy hands – seriously have you ever seen a skeleton hand? They’re creepy as all hell – were wrapped around swords that, while not the nicest ever, were plenty to cause pain. Kageyama slashed forward with the Sword of Defense, knocking a skeleton’s head right off. It collapsed into a pile of bones. Kageyama moved onto the next one.

 

“Tobio-chan! When you’re done there, the stair is this way!” Oikawa called. He left piles of bones behind him, bounding through opponents like… some sort of bounding thing. A bunny, maybe.

 

Kageyama made sure they had finished off all the guards in the room, so that no one could attack them from behind, and followed Oikawa to the staircase.

 

“Are you sure this is the way?” Kageyama asked.

 

“Most definitely,” Oikawa replied. “I – I just know it. He’ll be at the top of the tower.”

 

All the way down here only to need to climb back up. Kageyama was pretty sure he was going to murder someone by the end of this. Probably the demon king, if he was lucky.

 

The stair way was long, and more of a pain than even the cliff because they were fighting against gravity. Fortunately they had plenty of practice fighting gravity, and the leg muscles to match. The guards at every floor, though, they were slightly less equipped to fight. Ignoring of course the small collection of weapons on their backs. So I guess they actually were pretty fine with it, mowing through the Demon King’s guards like they were little more than crabgrass. Must have been feeling pretty _crabby_ , eh?

 

... I’m so sorry. Moving on.

 

Act VIII

 

They crashed through the doors at the top of the highest tower, a wave of pre-killed corpses in their wake. Oikawa stopped suddenly and Kageyama once again had to work to avoid slamming into his back. As he pulled away, though, he realised what had made the hero stop quite so suddenly.

 

Just ahead of them, looking entirely like he had been waiting for them, was a person that he could only assume was the Demon King Spalding. Kageyama came to this conclusion by a close analysis of the man’s style of dress – weirdly flashy robes – and the fact that he actually had minions. Or, if one chose to exclude the large crow demon, one minion, a young man who looked plenty bored with the situation and like he wasn’t currently holding a baby that had been magically transformed into a dumpling. The Demon King and his minions probably rehearsed this, given that there’s a limited number of people who stand around posing all day.

 

The Demon King gave something like a half-smile. “Oikawa.”

 

“Iwa-chan.” For a brief moment, it sounded like Oikawa was almost choking up. The sound of rushing sand, from the window behind the Demon King, nearly covered his voice. “Aren’t _you_ looking good. Did you grow out your hair? I thought you looked really cute with shorter hair, but this style is nice.”

 

“And you haven’t changed much at all,” Iwaizumi said. There was something unsure in his expression.

 

“Do you _mind_?” Kageyama said. “Is this really the right time for flirting?”

 

Oikawa coughed, getting his head back into the game. “Right. Now, Iwa-chan! Your evil deeds are at an end – time to return the kidnapped prince!”

 

“Ah, so the king sent you,” Iwaizumi replied. “It took you long enough to get here. Did you stop to flirt with _every_ girl you saw?”

 

“No! I’ll have you know we spent most of our time rescuing cats.” Oikawa was almost pouting. Strange tactic to take with a demon king, but it could be odder. At least he was keeping his shirt on.

 

Iwaizumi looked like he didn’t believe him in the slightest. “Well, don’t panic too much. The prince is right here.”

 

He gestured to his minion, who was holding the dumpling in a hand and completely zoned out. The UST wasn’t of much interest to him, even if it would probably result in him being out of a job. Also for some reason he was wearing a strangely skimpy outfit, and he was kinda cold. Maybe he should ask his boss for a sweater.

 

Kageyama grabbed his sword, intending to rush right at the minion. To be fair, he would probably be successful at catching this one off guard.

 

Oikawa stayed still. “I know you didn’t transform the prince just so you could eat him, Iwa-chan. So why..?”

 

Iwaizumi paused for a brief moment. “I need him for a spell. I’ve researched it for years, and I’ve need of the prince for this one great magick…”

 

He pronounced “magic” with a k – that’s how you know he means business.

 

“And – what would that be?” Kageyama asked, knowing he really wouldn’t like the answer.

 

“The ability to control time.”

 

Oikawa’s eyes went wide, trying to decipher his old friend’s meaning. “What…?”

 

To be fair, even I’m a little surprised.

 

Iwaizumi turned towards the massive window, where the sand rushed on relentlessly. “Know what this is, Oikawa? It’s the sand of time. I summoned them here, and they’ll never stop moving. They’ll bury the castle too, eventually. The spell I’m working on requires four things – the whisker of a thunder dragon, an udonge blossom, a pure black cowry shell, and a prince born on the night of the new moon I was _invited_ to take. I plan to sacrifice them to the Darkness and gain control of time itself, on the night of the first new moon after the prince’s birth – tonight.”

 

He caught Oikawa’s eye, and Oikawa unsheathed his sword, not looking away.

 

“We won’t let you!” Kageyama said, and without waiting for Oikawa’s say-so he raced forward. The Sword of Defence was aimed squarely at the Demon King’s chest.

 

Iwaizumi lifted a hand, and the Sword slipped off the shield he had summoned, pulling Kageyama down with it. Oikawa slashed forward, his blade dissipating the magick-with-a-k.

 

A second blast of magick sent them back, blowing like little leaves being blown by a very large leaf used as a fan. Kageyama scrabbled for a handhold on anything, eventually clinging to the foot of one of the dramatic columns spread about the hall. Oikawa, using something more resembling common sense, ducked behind one.

 

_This is insane_ , Kageyama thought. _How are we expected to do something here?_ A plan flashed through his mind – something real, concrete. He was about to do something about it when he heard a strange whuffing sound from behind him. He turned and found himself nose-to-nose with a boar.

 

Wait, what?

 

In the moment where Iwaizumi’s spell had dissipated, his guards had come up. Rather than being skeletons like the ones in the basement, these ones were transfigured animals, given human shape and weapons. It goes without saying that they were also more muscular than the skeleton guards – and wild boars are a pain in the ass on a good day. At least none of these beasties were liable to curse you if you touched them. That was the Demon King’s area of expertise.

 

Anyway, Kageyama found himself surrounded, and the Sword of Defense twisted so that he was holding it in a block. The boar guard slashed his ax down and Kageyama had to side-step to avoid it. The Sword moved to just barely deflect a blow that would have otherwise taken off his left arm. The guards moved in and Kageyama found himself surrounded. He readied himself for an advance, only to find that the guards weren’t getting any closer. Oikawa was finding himself in a similar situation, and he watched Iwaizumi with a singularly intense expression.

 

The Demon King’s eyes were on him as well, a flicker of something like genuine worry. “If you put down your weapons here, I’ll spare your life. I don’t want to see a childhood friend die.” The subtext of _come over to the dark side, we have eternal life_ remained unspoken, but it was clearly there.

 

Kageyama, his sword being all that stood between him and one of those _beastly_ guards, watched Oikawa, waiting to see what he’d do. It wasn’t like the hero was suddenly going to turn around and join the villain’s side… right?

 

“Cast down your sword and join me!” Iwaizumi snapped.

 

Oikawa sighed, like he had no choice. Given that a macaque was pointing a scimitar at his neck, that was probably true.

 

“Hold this for me, would you please?” he asked the macaque, holding out his two-hand sword.

 

“Oikawa..?” Kageyama asked as the guard took it.

 

Oikawa stepped forth, apparently ignoring (or maybe just oblivious) to Kageyama calling to him. The hall seemed suddenly very quiet, and very cold. Kageyama found himself barely breathing.

 

Oikawa stopped in front of Iwaizumi, a smile suddenly appearing on his face.

 

“It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” Oikawa said, taking Iwaizumi’s hand in his. “I’m really sorry it took me this long.”

 

“You always were stubborn. Like a freaking rock,” Iwaizumi replied.

 

“I said I was sorry, didn’t I?”

 

Oikawa wrapped his arms around Iwaizumi, running a hand down the back of his head and neck, flattening his hair to his spine. Iwaizumi returned the hug, holding Oikawa so close that he could feel the ridges of his armour against his chest.

 

Then Oikawa pulled his arms up and across. Spikes jutted out of the forearm guards as the Armour of Attack was activated. The blades sliced through Iwaizumi’s neck, and the silence grew deafening before it was replaced with the sound of his body crumbling into sand.

 

The death of a Demon King can have some pretty instantaneous effects. Here, several things happened at once. First, the magick on the guards winked out, returning them to animals and armour that clattered to the ground along with their weapons. Kageyama found himself free and immediately he ran to Oikawa. At the same time, the spells binding Iwaizumi’s minion – who seemed to have really clocked out a while ago, since he didn’t lift a finger to help his master – disappeared. The minion turned to ash and a ghostly form like a bird, which promptly flapped off to find somewhere nicer than this dump and perhaps some salted caramel for his efforts. The dumpling prince that had been held in his hand tumbled to the ground. It landed gently instead of splatting like a normal dumpling.

 

And then there was the castle itself. The Demon King’s death had caused the spells binding it to loosen, and the sound of running sand and grinding rock filled the air as the Sands of Time began to overwhelm the castle. I don’t even know where they were falling from, but I do know that if our heroes don’t act fast, the entire place will collapse on top of them.

 

Kageyama had his priorities in order. He raced forward to grab the dumpling and shoved it in his shirt before glancing back. Oikawa hadn’t moved in the past few moments, his eyes still focused on the silver and gold sand in front of him, brushing slightly against the toe of his boot. Kageyama ran up and grabbed his arm.

 

“If we don’t get out of here you’ll die, idiot!” he yelled, dragging him.

 

“Alright, al _right_ Tobio-chan!” Oikawa found his step again, only brief pausing to pick up his sword. The thing was _expensive_ , okay? “Do you have the prince?”

 

“Got him,” Kageyama replied.

 

“Good. Now, _run!_ ”

 

Somehow – and Kageyama was never really sure how they pulled this off – they got themselves out of the castle and up to a stable ledge on the cliff before the castle crumbled completely. He was mostly made aware of this state of safety by the dumpling in his shirt suddenly turning back into a baby. The baby seemed pretty happy with the adventure, though, and only giggled when Kageyama picked him up, righted him, and stuffed him back in his shirt for the climb up. Hopefully he remembered to support his head. Childcare isn’t particularly high on the list of things adventurers are good at, so some concern is in fact warranted.

 

Act IX

 

It took some time to get back through the forest, but a well-placed bribe of a catnip toy from Oikawa convinced the bakeneko to lead them back to civilization. Their guides apparently forgetting that their guests were only human – or maybe they were just too overjoyed by the death of the Demon King – they raced the entire way to the edge of the forest. So, half dead from exhaustion, Kageyama and Oikawa stumbled back into Tsukishima and Yamaguchi’s inn earlier than planned.

 

“You two look like hell,” Tsukishima commented.

 

“Ah, yeah,” Oikawa said. Then, without missing a beat, he added “We killed the Demon King for you. Does that merit free rooms for a night?”

 

Tsukishima rolled his eyes, but it really did end up that they didn’t have to pay and they all slept like logs. Including the baby, strangely enough. The next morning, the heroes embarked on a _whole new_ adventure, which was how the hell to get home while transporting a one-month old baby. Fortunately for you, though, I’m far too lazy to tell it. You’ll just have to imagine the hijinks for yourself.

 

It was at a crossroad a few miles from the capital that Oikawa suddenly stopped.

 

“Well, Tobio-chan,” he said, looking cool and well-groomed as usual. “This is where I’ll leave you.”

 

“Huh?” Kageyama was looking much worse for wear, and also hadn’t slept well the past few days on account of the baby. He just wanted to get home at this point and not deal with whatever it was Oikawa was about to say.

 

Oikawa passed him a piece of paper he’d had crumpled in his pocket.

 

“Tell the king to send my half of the payment to this address,” he said.

 

“Are you sure you don’t want the princess to?” Kageyama said through gritted teeth.

 

Oikawa gave a small laugh. “No, you can keep her. Besides, I need to head north. I have at least another nine childhood friends in need of defeating at my hand.”

 

Kageyama stared at him.

 

“Ahh, come to think, that village really was awful! They all went over to the dark side. And each for different reasons, too.”

 

“If they went over to the dark side, then where the hell did you go?”

 

Oikawa ignored the comment. “Well, this is where we say goodbye, Tobio-chan! We may meet again someday!” And without waiting for anything more, he started on down the hill towards the north.

 

“Let’s not,” Kageyama muttered. But then he too turned around, and continued east.

 

He and the baby arrived in the city to a great clamour that was a bit of a surprise, since Kageyama was pretty sure no one actually knew he was coming. Then he caught sight of two familiar black and yellow tails twisting into a back alleys, and remembered what he had been told about cats trading news. He probably shouldn’t have been so surprised.

 

A hand tapped his shoulder, and Kageyama turned around to find Saeko, the King’s assistant, grinning brightly at him.

 

“Hey,” she said. “Time to get rolling, isn’t it? Oh you got the kid too – looks like you did plenty well for yourself!”

 

Kageyama was pretty sure that it had been his _mission_ to retrieve the child currently strapped to his back, and not a complete coincidence. But Saeko grabbed him by the shirtsleeve and dragged him through the crowd.

 

Without too much more fuss, he found himself in the entryway of the hall. He was immediately swarmed by women in nurses’ garb. Queen Ittetsu followed after, having clearly spent the entire past month in a state of worry that disappeared almost as soon as his baby was in his arms again. Princess Natsu followed after her mother, clinging to his coat-tail and crying with joy at the baby’s return. The queen and his entourage promptly disappeared down a side-hall, to be free of at least this part of the crowd.

 

King Keishin took a while longer with his hero, lavishing him with the proper praise and attention Kageyama deserved after such a quest. Just kidding! He actually spent most of that meeting looking at the slip of paper Oikawa had had Kageyama give him, and asking after the absentee hero.

 

Kageyama didn’t really mind, though, because being done with the king sooner meant that he could leave that much quicker, and Princess Hinata was staring at him in a most unladylike fashion. Apparently overcome with joy at the sight of the person who had rescued her little brother, her eyes were wide and shining with admiration. She was buzzing slightly, too. It was actually kinda creepy, given that they hadn’t ever actually exchanged a word. Maybe that’s why Kageyama was so off-put. You have to be wary of girls like that, they’re usually the most trouble.

 

“And, anyway, since you’ve done what was asked and returned our kid and whatnot,” King Keishin was saying. “I guess I should do what I said I would. You’ll be married to Princess Hinata in the morning.”

 

“W-wait,” Kageyama said, trying to find some way to refuse. It wasn’t really polite to turn down royalty when they offered to marry you into the family, but he really wasn’t sure about this princess. Or this whole marriage business. “Does the Princess even want to…?”

 

Keishin turned to Hinata, raising an eyebrow.

 

“Yeah!” Hinata said. “You look really cool!”

 

Kageyama wasn’t sure that was a good enough reason to get married, but it was apparently enough for the King.

 

“So that’s what we’ll do,” he said. “And now, I’ll go organize that.” Isn’t it great how quickly royal weddings can be pulled together in generic fantasy kingdoms? I mean the last one I attended took over six months to plan, and that didn’t even have the fate of a kingdom to worry about! … It was a rather interesting venture. But moving on.

 

Shoyou threw herself at Kageyama, wrapping him in a massive hug, first burying her face into his shoulder and then pulling back, like she wasn’t able to sit still. Kageyama met Hinata’s eyes, which were like tiny suns in both colour and vivacity.

 

“I can’t wait!” she said.

 

Kageyama really, really didn’t know to say to that.

 

But on the morning of the next day, almost a month and a half exactly after they had rung to celebrate the birth of the prince, church bells rang across the country once more in celebration of the new royal couple. It was a happy ending!

 

Though maybe for some more than others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What’s this? No author’s notes this time? Well, it was bound to happen…
> 
> We’ll be back next week with a new arc for this here Devilwood!! (Don’t be fooled, though – it’s also the last arc, mostly because that’s all there is for source material.)


	4. Return to Devilwood!!

Prologue

 

A long time ago, in a kingdom far away, there was a kingdom whose prince was stolen. The king sent forth a pair of unlikely heroes to retrieve the baby and kill the Demon King responsible. One of the heroes, Oikawa, had left the country after the quest was finished, leaving his comrade Kageyama to accept King Keishin’s reward of marriage to the hand of Princess Hinata, his daughter. Or, well…

 

It was an oddly calm for the night after a royal wedding. You’d usually expect such parties to last for at least three days, with street food and alcohol and all sorts of banging about for all, but it seemed like someone in the kingdom really wanted to get to bed. And judging by his stony but sullen expression, Kageyama was actually not one of these people.

 

Princess Hinata had barely let go of his arm the entire day and was now dragging him towards their royal bedchamber. Kageyama should have been happy that it least it had four walls and a door to protect their modesty. Someone could have “accidentally” modeled this palace after Versailles, and enfilade doesn’t offer the most privacy. Or any at all, really.

 

However Kageyama wasn’t thinking about architecture. He was too busy barely being able to walk, given the whirlwind his day had been and the fact that he really wanted to run away. Because, let’s face it, even if they’re royalty, you don’t generally want to get married and then sleep with to someone you’ve never met, plus he’d only had one day to adjust to the idea of getting married. Actually, the fact that he was marrying royalty only makes it worse. What about the diplomatic ramifications of this marriage, guys?

 

Hinata, meanwhile, seemed pretty into all of this, although it was entirely possible that she was just excited to have another human to talk to. Princesses can be like that sometimes. Kageyama took a seat on what was now to be his bed, while his bride went to take off the massive white frilly thing that was supposed to be a wedding gown.

 

It took a few minutes for it to really register with Kageyama that something was wrong. And even then, it took Hinata removing the top part of her dress – by herself, because fantasy castles aren’t known for their armies of servants – and Kageyama getting an eyeful of very flat, very masculine chest, for him to realise it wasn’t all in his head.

 

Kageyama couldn’t help it. A cry like a startled cat escaped his mouth, and he felt his face burning up.

 

His day had officially reached rock bottom.

 

Act I

 

Saeko, right hand to King Keishin, was wandering the halls, probably looking for wherever they had stored the extra wedding provisions, when she heard a muffled scream for the princess’s bedroom. Being as it was her job to make sure that no one in the castle be assassinated – apparently – she barged right into the room. She found the princess half undressed, looking confused, and the new prince on the other side of the room, looking incredibly confused and very red.

 

“What’s wrong?” said the King. He had appeared from behind Saeko, startling her.

 

She turned, at the same time as both newlyweds did. Keishin and Ittetsu, looking like they had been interrupted getting ready for bed as well. Both looked worried, though calm know that they knew no one was being assassinated.

 

Kageyama turned to the king, a frightening look on his red face. “The – the princess turned into a man.”

 

Keishin blinked and looked over to his child, who was still shirtless and looking mildly confused.

 

“He’s right – what happened, Hinata? Is this the work of the Demon King once more?” He grabbed Hinata’s shoulders, concern only growing that something had once more happened to any of his children.

 

Kageyama was not really in any state to remind him that they had definitely killed the Demon King.

 

At least Ittetsu’s brain was still where it was supposed to be. He tapped his husband’s shoulder. “But, dear… Hinata’s always been a boy?”

 

Everyone in the room who was not Hinata looked at the Queen in various states of confusion. Hinata was trying to see if Kageyama was clinically still alive.

 

Keishin blinked several times. “I… think you’re gonna have to explain that one, dear. This is the first I’ve heard of it.”

 

Saeko raised an eyebrow at her employer. “Seriously?”

 

Keishin frowned, feeling like he had just lost respect from her. “You’re just as much surprised as I am.”

 

“Yeah, but I’m not the kid’s father.”

 

“May I continue?” Ittetsu asked. Woops, he was talking, wasn’t he?

 

The other two shut up.

 

“Before Keishin and I married, I went to the oracles for a divination on our futures. They told me that, if any of the children I would raise were boys, then ill luck would befall us and he would be taken by a demon.” Well, _that_ prophecy could have been brought up earlier! “So when I brought Hinata home, I decided to raise him as a girl.” A perfectly logical explanation, though “bringing” a child home makes it sound sketchy.

 

Saeko didn’t look especially impressed. “Couldn’t you have just called off the wedding?”

 

“But I was in love with His Majesty!” Ittetsu replied. He was blushing slightly, like the little cutie he was.

 

Saeko resisted rolling her eyes at her employers. That probably wouldn’t have gone over well. Sometimes royals did the strangest things, though I’m not sure they’re this troublesome solely because of their rank.

 

“Ah, anyway,” Ittetsu continued. “Natsu is a girl so it wasn’t a concern, but when it came to Mikasa, I had completely forgotten about the prophecy. In fact, I only just remembered!”

 

“So that’s what happened…” Keishin grumbled, crossing his arms and not sounding particularly thrilled about the whole affair.

 

Kageyama’s brain did its best to function once again. “So then – our marriage didn’t count, right?” He was staring so intently at Keishin that he missed Hinata’s expression falling.

 

Keishin put a hand to his chin, thinking. “It would look bad if we suddenly told the people that their princess is a prince, and it would involve having to redo all of the paperwork for succession… I think it’ll be fine if you just _act_ as Hinata’s husband for the rest of your life.”

 

Kageyama turned very grey as he tried to process this information and failed. In a day filled with surprises and strange situations being forced on him, this was the last straw. He got up and walked out towards the door, Saeko stepping out of his way as he fluttered out.

 

The King watched him leave. “Is he okay?”

 

Saeko leaned out of the door to check on the hero and found only empty hallway. “Actually, he seems to have disappeared.”

 

Keishin frowned. “Well then. Go after him, why don’t you?”

 

That was more than a little outside of her job description.

 

“I’ll do it!” Hinata said, jumping up. He was still only half dressed in his wedding gown, but the fire of his determination to reclaim his husband kept him warm. Though not so warm that he didn’t instantly run off to find better clothes, leaving his parents slightly taken aback in his wake. At least this match seemed to have worked out for one of them – and Hinata seemed determined to make it work.

 

And thus, two young men started on their journeys, into the wide unknown.

 

Act II

 

“Damn it,” Oikawa said. “I’m staaarviiiing.”

 

He flopped down at the base of a tree, tossing his long sword to the side so he didn’t end up sitting on it. His armour was pinching him in awkward places enough as it was, but he didn’t move to fix it. He was too tired. He’d been wandering the woods for days and hadn’t come across a single person from whom to beg food – a necessity, since he had run out of cash long ago. He was still waiting on the reward from King Keishin, but even if it had been sent out – and, given the state of the postal service in these times, actually gotten anywhere – Oikawa hadn’t yet returned to the place where he had told Kageyama to have it sent. He had been so sure that he’d be able to find at least one cute girl at whom he could smile and she’d fix him a feast, but so far that plan wasn’t going well. If that’s his idea of meal procurement it serves him right, if you ask me.

 

Still, Oikawa’s stomach wasn’t getting filled by moping, so after another few minutes of staring dramatically into the distance he stood up and dusted himself off. He might have to actually have to do some work to feed himself – a novel concept for Oikawa, to be sure, but one he should probably get used to. Girls like a man who doesn’t have to beg food off them.

 

He heard a yell off in the distance, and instantly stood up, listening. The cry came again and Oikawa’s hero instincts overtook him and he grabbed his sword and ran towards the noise.

 

A sprint’s length, Oikawa found the source of the commotion. Three men dressed in varying shades of teal and white where menacing a much smaller guy with their swords. So we can add banditry _and_ poor colour choice to their list of crimes.

 

“Hold it!” Oikawa yelled, unsheathing his own sword.

 

One of the bandits, a tall guy with white hair, turned and put the full force of his glare. Oikawa very nearly decided this was too much then and there, but then he remembered that he was a knight of truth and justice – he wasn’t – and he had a duty to protect the weak. He didn’t really have that, either, but as long as Oikawa _believed_ he did…

 

“Who’s there?” another of the bandits, a fortunately much smaller guy with messy black hair, demanded.

 

Oikawa smirked and struck a pose. “Just a handsome masked knight, passing through! Let us fight as long as we have love!”

 

The bandits weren’t impressed with a twenty-five year old tokusatsu reference but still failed to do more than look slightly stunned. Oikawa was disappointed – _he_ had thought it was a good reference, at least. So he moved on to the next tactic.

 

“Let that kid go. Even bandits should know better than to fight elementary school kids!”

 

“Hey!” the kid being menaced yelled. “I’m practically the same age as you.”

 

Oikawa looked him over, and realised that the kid would probably be even shorter if his hair weren’t sticking up like a hedgehog. He was still pretty sure the kid was like ten.

 

“Whatever,” the bandit leader said. “Let’s get him as well.”

 

The other bandits set themselves on Oikawa with no further prompting. Oikawa dispatched them with almost no effort, but he added plenty in with the swishing of his cape and flickering of his sword. Eventually, though, the bandits just gave up and turned tail, having decided that he was too ridiculous to deal with.

 

Oikawa gave a wavering sigh as they departed and pouted. “I wanted to steal their stuff and buy lunch…” He turned to the kid he had rescued. “You alright?”

 

“Well, _now_ I’m fine,” he replied. Looking him over, Oikawa realised that maybe calling him an elementary school student was a bit harsh. He _was_ pretty short, though.

 

“My name’s Tooru Oikawa,” he said lightly. Maybe this guy would buy him a meal. “What’s yours? How’d you get into trouble?”

 

“Yuu Nishinoya.” He finished adjusting his newly dusted clothing back into place and grinned brightly. “Most people just call me Noya, though. I was traveling through the forest, and…”

 

His strength gave out and swayed on his feet. Oikawa reached out to catch him before he could fall.

 

“Are you alright?”

 

“I haven’t eaten since yesterday…” Noya’s stomach chose that moment to give a most impressive growl. “I’m gunna die.” He sighed dramatically.

 

Since Oikawa hadn’t eaten since yesterday either, he wasn’t exactly about to show this stranger sympathy. But once again remembering that he had a duty to the weak and innocent, and this kid appeared both, he picked him up once more.

 

“I _can_ walk,” Noya pointed out. Says the one who was just complaining that he was at death’s door from a couple missed meals.

 

“Then don’t be dramatic,” Oikawa replied. He scanned the treeline for any signs of life, finding only a single plume of smoke. At least it wasn’t too far off from where they were. “There has to be house up that way. I’ll carry you!”

 

“I’m perfectly…” Noya barely got the words out before Oikawa started heaving him away. Noya decided it was probably better to let Oikawa tire himself out before arguing. It would happen soon enough – mostly because Oikawa thought he was stronger than he actually was.

 

Oikawa managed an impressive thirty feet before stopping. He dropped Noya and started massaging his lower back before remembering that he was wearing armour and that wouldn’t help.

 

“That’s all I can do. You must go on by yourself from here!” He said this with such a flourish that Noya frowned.

 

“And now who’s being dramatic?” Noya asked. Keep courage, young one. You wound up with Oikawa, after all. Drama is in his blood – or at least what brains he has.

 

Act III

 

Because this is a fantasy kingdom, and fantasy kingdoms always have infrastructure convenient to the plot, the plume of smoke lead them not to a house but a full inn. It was a small place that probably didn’t get a lot of visitors, but it was clean and even though the innkeeper looked like a pretty rough guy with his buzz-cut and general bad attitude, he seemed like an okay person. At least, he brought their food out on time, and that counted a lot for Oikawa just then.

 

“Still amazed that there’s an inn this deep in the countryside,” Noya said.

 

“Everyone says that,” the innkeeper said. He had mumbled something about his name being Tanaka when they’d first entered. “Eat as much as you want!”

 

It was at that moment that Kageyama stumbled through the main doors, severely out of breath and covered in leaves and mud streaks and bits of branches. He looked as though he wasn’t having a particularly good day today either.

 

“Oh, Tobio-chan!” Oikawa said, perking up even further at the sight of his favourite punching bag. I mean, _partner_.

 

Kageyama looked up and paled, like out of all the inns in the world he just had to walk into this one. That’s what we call destiny, boy. Or maybe plot contrivance, who knows.

 

“You don’t look happy to see me,” Oikawa said, sounding very disappointed.

 

“The things I’ve been through because of you – “ Kageyama broke off, and instead collapsed against a nearby chair.

 

Tanaka poked him experimentally with a foot. “Are you okay?”

 

Kageyama dragged himself over to the table where Oikawa and Noya were sitting, and started reaching for the food without answering. Noya tried for himself and poked his shoulder. He didn’t really get much out of him as the starving runaway groom started to eat anything he could reach.

 

Oikawa shrugged, and decided to eat his own meal before trying for an actual answer. It was only when the three of them had scrapped the last possible bits of food off their plates that conversation could resume. Even that didn’t take that long.

 

When they were done, Oikawa turned over to Noya, who had eaten the most out of the three of them.

 

“So, you said your name was Nishinoya, right? Why were you in the forest all alone?”

 

Kageyama was glad he had dodged the first interrogation. Maybe it was because Oikawa had assumed he had done something ridiculous and/or stupid – not a bad assumption – and decided to ask the more suspicious person his story first. Kageyama quietly hoped he’d be lucky enough that Oikawa forgot to ask at all.

 

Noya took a few seconds to compose himself, using a napkin to wash his face like a raccoon.

 

“Right, that. I’m looking for my fiancé.” He bit his lip. “He’s been missing for over a year now.”

 

Well, _that_ was unexpected. And also pretty sad – Noya’s face, which until now had been childishly bright, was closed off. Even Kageyama knew something was wrong, and he had the approximate emotional range of a teaspoon when it came to romance. Oikawa, meanwhile, was slightly miffed that not only was this guy not a kid, but he even had a fiancé and everything.

 

Noya kept his gaze down, but continued with his story. “Asahi – he left our village a year ago, and never came back. He went into danger alone because of me, and I held onto hope that he’d be back, that it was just taking him a lot of time, but after six months…” He grabbed the napkin in one hand, knuckles turning white. Then he calmed down, pulling his thoughts back into order. “I had to go after him. Before, we lived in a small village at the foot of a mountain not far from here. And there, it’s tradition to get a jewel for your fiancé. But the economy being what it is, neither of us could afford even the simplest jewel. It would have been worth three month’s salary just for that.”

 

“That is pretty bad,” Oikawa said, eye twitching. He would have to have a word with Keishin about the finance problem in his country’s boondocks.

 

Noya continued. “One day, Asahi came up to me and said that he was going to go to the Cave of Jewels to find one for me. Then he left, and…”

 

He trailed off, biting his lip.

 

“Cave of Jewels?” Oikawa prompted. That sounds fancy! And like it could buy him a few more meals! He… he’d been hungry for a while now. Just not hungry enough to start eyeing the place settings, unlike _some_ people.

 

The Cave, Noya explained, was a legendary cave – no duh – in a mountain somewhere to the north, past the approximate boarders of King Keishin’s realm. It was apparently filled with gems from bottom to top, so deep you could swim in them. However, as most fantastic caves were, it was guarded by some fairly creepy creatures. Not something you could just walk into, but Asahi had insisted.

 

“I asked him not to go, but he wouldn’t listen,” Noya continued. “And he’s not defenseless, but he’s kind and shy, so fighting’s not his strong suit. The other villagers told me not to bother, to move on. But, he risked his life for me, and I couldn’t do any of that without making sure…” He worried the napkin in his hands like he was trying to tear it apart. Poor kid – missing his boyfriend, and these villagers just say _forget about him_. What jerks!

 

Oikawa smiled, which meant that he should probably be included on the list of jerks. “There’s no need to be sad! I mean, you don’t know he’s dead, right? He’s probably just lost.” Very, very lost.

 

It didn’t seem to move Noya that much, though. Oikawa grabbed Kageyama’s arm, pulling him in.

 

“Besides, the two of us will help you now!” Oikawa’s grin was probably just a little _too_ bright. “I’ve worked with this kid before and he’s pretty sharp. You _do_ still have the Sword of Defense, right?”

 

Kageyama blinked and realised that, along with things like proper funds, he’d left his enchanted sword back at the palace.

 

Oikawa sighed. “Well. We’ll probably be fine without it.” He turned back to Noya. “So the two of us will go rescue your fiancé for you! I won’t even charge. That Cave has to have plenty of jewels in it – we’ll split it between all of us.”

 

Noya looked from Oikawa’s brilliant expression of self-importance and Kageyama’s face of incredible discomfort and apparently decided that yes, this was a good idea.

 

“Let’s do it then!” Noya said. If he was being completely honest, he was actually really glad for the companionship. He’d been traveling on his own without much of a goal beyond “rescue the boyfriend” for six months, and here he’d managed to find heroes to help him.  It was looking up, for once!

 

“In that case,” Oikawa said, standing up. He finally let go of Kageyama’s arm, which was nice for Kageyama. He tried to rub the redness away, and Oikawa continued without taking notice. “We should set out as soon as possible. If we’re lucky, we could make it into the mountains before dark. Also, on that note, do either of you have any cash?”

 

Kageyama and Noya looked at each other with the look of sudden desperation that afflicted most of those who had been caught without their wallets at a crucial moment. Oikawa felt a chill go down his spine, which he was sure had nothing to do with Tanaka looming up behind them with a terrifying look on his face.

 

“If that’s how it is…” Tanaka said. “Then you can go help in the kitchen –“ he stabbed a finger at Noya “– you’re going to go chop firewood –“ another jab, this one at Oikawa “– and you are to draw up the bath for our _paying_ customers.” His finger settled on Kageyama. But since all of them had been caught red-handed and empty-walleted, they had no choice.

 

Act VI

 

For what seemed like the hundredth time in the hour they’d been working, Oikawa sighed and set down his ax to survey the pile of wood he had chopped. It wasn’t as tall as it could have been, mostly because he kept stopping to survey his own handiwork.

 

Kageyama, drawing up a pail of water, shot him an unintentional glare. “Oi,” he said. “We need to get as much of his done as fast as possible, if we want to leave.”

 

“Easy for you to say,” Oikawa said. He rubbed his reddened hands and pouted. “My hands are _delicate_.”

 

Kageyama ignored him. “Apparently the innkeeper here does that a lot. People run out of food here and he cons them into working for him instead. It’s cheaper than hiring year-round staff. One of the other people here was saying something about it.”

 

“I knew that Tanaka guy was trouble,” Oikawa said. “We shouldn’t have trusted him in the slightest. He has bad news written all over him.”

 

Little did Oikawa know that in the kitchen, Noya had managed to reduce Tanaka to tears with his sob story, proving that Tanaka wasn’t nearly as bad a person as Oikawa thought. Or as scary. The two of them were getting along pretty fantastically, it seemed.

 

“So, what _are_ you doing here, Tobio-chan? I thought you’d married the princess!”

 

A shiver ran down Kageyama’s spine as he remembered _that_ debacle. “If you hadn’t run away,” he mumbled. “Then I probably wouldn’t be here.”

 

“Oh?”

 

So Kageyama told him the whole story. By the end of it, Oikawa was looking both sympathetic and like he was close to bursting out laughing.

 

“… That’s rough, buddy,” was what he decided to go with.

 

Kageyama looked down at the ground, rubbing the handle of the bucket he had filled with a thumb. “There’s a man after me. I’ll never be able to go back to my own country after this – I’d probably be put to death.”

 

“But you’re missing the point.”

 

Kageyama looked up questioningly, and Oikawa grinned.

 

“Was he hot?”

 

Kageyama sighed, not having an answer and not entirely sure why he even bothered trying to talk to this guy. To be fair to Oikawa, that would have been my first question as well.

 

“What about you?” Kageyama asked. “Did you kill those other nine evil childhood friends of yours?”

 

 “Yep,” Oikawa said airily. “I checked in on every last one of them.” Apparently he’d done this in record time for not having internet. “I mean, most of them _had_ already been killed by other heroes. They got what was coming to them, though. They had gotten reputations for their evil deeds, so people hunted them out. It’s only fair. If I hadn’t gotten to Demon King Spalding when I did, you might have killed him for me…” He trailed off, shaking his head slightly. “I’m glad I made it in time…”

 

His eyes seemed to be a bit unfocused. Kageyama inched closer and waved a hand in front of his face.

 

“Uhm, don’t we have somewhere to be going?”

 

Behind him, the door to the inn slammed open and the innkeeper stood there, glowering in his frilly apron. Hey, he _had_ been working in the kitchen. He couldn’t let Noya do all that work, now that he knew the full story, after all!

 

“I don’t care where you go, as long as you do your work now! Get to it, part-timers. The guests want their water and fires going!”

 

Kageyama grabbed the bucket of water and started scurrying off. Oikawa sighed and picked up his ax again.

 

When there was a big enough pile, Oikawa left some at the door where a few bits of kindling marked where they should be, and took another armful out towards the bathing area. It was just a tub, surrounded on three sides by a wooden fences and a curtain on the fourth. The roof was open to the sky, and behind the fence there was a kiln to heat the bath. He shoved more pieces of wood into the kiln.

 

“How’s the water?” he called over to whoever it was inside.

 

There was a slight pause, and then a young man’s voice asked, “Do you work at this inn?”

 

Oikawa frowned. That seemed like a weird question, and he was pretty sure he didn’t recognize the voice.

 

“I’m just a temporary worker,” he said. Indentured and a bit of a moron might have been a better word for it, but hey, six of one…

 

“It’s a little hot,” the young man said. His voice was kept flat. Actually, the more he talked, the more Oikawa began to feel like he recognized it.

 

He frowned. “I’ll pour in some cold water for you.” It took him only a moment to fetch a bucket of water from the well and carry it over. He was getting tired, but a job was a job, and he pulled back the curtain.

 

It took a few moments for his eyes to adjust to the heat of the steam, and then Oikawa found himself face-to-face with the Demon King Spalding’s blank-faced servant. The servant who he was absolutely sure had turned into sand when last he’d seen him. And who should have been dead along with his master.

 

Oikawa lashed out at the man with the only thing he had – which meant that he tossed water on him and then threw a wooden bucket at his head. “You’re still alive?”

 

The minion caught the bucket before it could hit him and tossed it aside. “Really, you’re reacting with violence _again_? You’re such an idiot, Oikawa. I can’t believe I lost to you, even that once.”

 

Oikawa blanched. _That_ was a voice he recognized, and he was sure his ears were playing tricks on him, same as his eyes.

 

But then there was a poof of magical smoke as the illusion of the servant disappeared, and instead Iwaizumi, the Demon King – or, ex-Demon King – Spalding was standing there as though nothing had changed. Well, his clothes had – he was wearing a sane tunic and wide-sleeved cloak instead of his evil garb that he’d been wearing while in his own castle. He also looked mildly unimpressed with how Oikawa was doing, if the one-over he gave him was any indication.

 

Eventually Oikawa found his voice. “You… You were dead. You _must_ have died.”

 

“I did die,” Iwaizumi said bluntly. “You managed to trick me – _once,_ I’ll remind you – and you killed me. But that body was a golem.”

 

“Wha..?” Oikawa was having trouble adjusting to this new chunk of information and his brain was beginning to overload. It was probably the whole “childhood friend he’d just killed coming back to life only to say he hadn’t actually killed him bit.” That one’s a classic!

 

“I made it out of the Sands of Life, so it looked and felt real. Plus, the golem was being inhabited by my soul. My real body is somewhere else.”

 

Oikawa couldn’t help but pout. “So you _tricked_ me? That was so _mean_ , Iwa-chan!”

 

Apparently, he couldn’t help but fall back into calling him by childhood nicknames, either, and he suddenly wished he could take that back. He didn’t know if Iwaizumi not reacting to it was better or worse.

 

“That’s my line,” Iwaizumi said. “But even though it was a golem, it could still feel pain. When you stabbed me, it made me lose my grip on the magic and the spells undid themselves. The castle and the golem were both made from the Sands, so they crumbled. I was able to retain a bit of it, but I don’t think I could have found my way back to my body in time. I was close to becoming a lost soul. So, with that said…”

 

There was another poof of magic and when the smoke cleared this time, Iwaizumi had shrunk down to being about the length of Oikawa’s hand.

 

“… This is my true size.”

 

Oikawa got down on his knees and poked the tiny wizard to make sure he was real.

 

“Don’t do that,” Iwaizumi snapped. “Anyway, what you just saw was an illusion. I was using Kunimi’s appearance so I wouldn’t be recognized. Both bodies are hard for me to maintain, but wandering around like this isn’t helping me any.”

 

If it’s hard for you to keep up than why were you wasting in on the bathwater?!

 

“I need to find my real body, but it’s buried deep and far away. I didn’t think I’d ever need it again, to be honest. So, will you take me to it? It’s the least you could do after the trouble you’ve caused me.” A drop of water – a tear – splashed onto Iwaizumi’s face, and he looked up, startled.

 

“That should be my line,” Oikawa said quietly. “For all the trouble you’ve caused _me_. But for you, I’d take you even to the ends of the earth.”

 

He couldn’t help but smile, despite the tears that had welled up. Iwaizumi kept his eyes on him, expression blank like he didn’t know how to react to this.

 

“Ah, but first!” Oikawa stood up and stretched out his back, acting casual. “I have another quest to finish!”

 

He marched back in, Iwaizumi following as he returned his form to a full-sized illusionary one. Though as he watched Oikawa’s back, he couldn’t help but wonder if he shouldn’t magic himself just the slightest bit taller. If only to mess with Oikawa, of course.

 

He was fairly curious about this quest, too, since the Oikawa he remembered didn’t exactly do pro bono work as a matter of course. And he hadn’t rubbed a royal decree in his face, so he was sure it would be something worth checking out, at least.

 

“Ah, Tobio-chan!” Oikawa called as he caught sight of his co-hero. Perhaps he could have read the situation a little better because Kageyama looked terrified. He was running towards him like Oikawa could save him from whatever lay behind.

 

“We need to get out of here, now,” Kageyama said as he skittered to a halt. He seemed surprisingly out of breath.

 

“Eh? Why’s that?”

 

“Because I – caught a glimpse of – him…”

 

Kageyama stopped to catch his breath and Iwaizumi, curious, leaned over to investigate. Kageyam’s eyes went wide and he made a strangled sound.

 

“The cause of everything wrong with my life!” He pointed at him, rudely.

 

Iwaizumi frowned. He was pretty sure that wasn’t true. Oikawa deserved at least 85% of the blame for any given situation.

 

“Tobio!”

 

A ball of orange hair, radiating energy, bounded down the hallway and grabbed his arm before Kageyama could escape. Apparently the man Kageyama had seen had been his own husband.

 

“I caught up with you, finally!” Hinata said. He looked pretty happy, while Kageyama seemed quite the opposite.

 

“Ah, Princess- Prince Hinata!” Oikawa said. He looked around, but there didn’t seem to be an army of guards accompanying the kid. “Why are you here alone?”

 

“Oikawa! Long-time no see!” Hinata said. “I came to get Kageyama and I thought it would be easier to come get him alone.”

 

“Did… Did you have to?” Kageyama looked like a headache was developing.

 

Hinata’s face fell. “You didn’t even give me a chance! I mean, I wasn’t thrilled to be married off to my dads’ champion but then I saw you and thought that you looked really cool. So I wanted to get to know you better, and hoped you’d do the same! I don’t really want to keep pretending to be a girl either, but my papa said the honour of my kingdom rests on it. We can’t call off the marriage because it would result in an international scandal. We’re on our “honeymoon” right now, but my dad said to come back as soon as I’d found you. I’m sorry you weren’t told sooner, so can we please go back together? I still want to be married to you.”

 

He held Kageyama’s forearms and put his face a little too close to the hero’s. Kageyama found that he couldn’t quite look him in the eye so he looked away before his cheeks could turn red. It wasn’t that Hinata was unattractive, especially now that his hair had been tamed somewhat with a hair tie and he was wearing men’s traveling clothes. He looked better in them than the dress, that was for sure. It was just that after Kageyama had run away, he didn’t think he’d be very welcomed back in the castle. Or even that he really wanted to fulfill the massive responsibility that would doubtlessly come with being a member of the royal family. Who was even the heir in this system, anyway? He frowned, trying to figure it out.

 

Hinata pressed in closer, and Kageyama pulled back.

 

“I’ll – think about it,” he said finally.

 

“Ah, Your Highness?” Oikawa asked, waving a hand to get their attention. “I’ve already claimed Tobio-chan to help with a quest, so could you wait until we’re done with that?”

 

“Is he telling the truth?” Hinata asked his husband.

 

Kageyama nodded, not meeting his eyes. Being out in direct sunlight can have bad effects – remember to tell your parents that when they’ve said you’ve been reading inside for too long.

 

“Fine,” Hinata said. “But I’m coming with you!”

 

There might have been some question about what use someone raised as a princess could be on a quest, but knowing Hinata’s dads they’d probably taught their children fencing or jousting or croquet or something useful. So there wasn’t really much deliberation.

 

They went back inside and Oikawa found Noya, and explained the situation to him. Noya, for his part, seemed both slightly startled that their party had almost doubled in size, and also mildly annoyed that all of them were taller than him. I know how _that_ feels. Fight on, Noya-san!

 

“Well, the more the merrier, isn’t it?” Noya said, recovering. “So we’ll be leaving at dawn, then?”

 

“Sounds brilliant,” Hinata said, grinning. Noya gave him a high five, and Kageyama suddenly regretted allowing this friendship to blossom. It seemed like it would be a loud one.

 

“We should go to bed soon,” Iwaizumi said. “If we’re going to be leaving at dawn.”

 

“What about the fees?” Kageyama asked. The innkeeper didn’t seem like the type to let them leave based on a tale of true love. Little did he know that Noya had already managed to convince him with just that.

 

“I paid all of them for you!” Hinata said. “I brought extra money just in case.” Oh. That helped too.

 

It’s a miracle this kid didn’t get robbed on his way here.

 

Hinata grabbed Kageyama’s hand. “I got us our own room,” he said as he began to lead him away. Kageyama hoped he had gotten them separate beds, too. He wasn’t quite ready to share a bed, all things considered.

 

So the five of them retired, each to his own bed, fortunately for Kageyama. Most went to sleep immediately, but Noya found himself staring up at the ceiling, hands clenching the sheets. Tanaka’s words, said to him when he’d told the innkeeper his quest, were still ringing in his ears.

 

_“I heard a rumour that the demon who guards the Cave of Jewels has woken from his century-long slumber. Since then, no one who’s set foot in the cave has returned. If you’re not careful, you might be adding your bones to the pile of the demon’s victims. And it’s only going to get bigger. Please be careful – I’d hate to see you join them.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Let us fight as long as we have love!” – A reference to Bishoujo Kamen Poitrine or La Belle Fille Masquée Poitrine, a magic girl tokusatsu that ran for 51 episodes over the course of 1990. For some reason it’s called Pwatorin or Pwatolin in the Viz translations of Greenwood. Since I haven’t seen it, I was originally going to remove the reference but when I found out the actual name I just had to. It’s such a glorious use of Flench it made this Francophone laugh. 
> 
> Also my apologies to Datekou – they drew the short end of the stick when it came to casting.
> 
> (Chapter is earlier than I intended this week because I'm moving out to school, so here you go!)


	5. Return to Devilwood!! Part 2

Act V

And now, as we descend upon our heroes once more, we find them in a small village in the mountains, searching for even the smallest clue as to the location of Noya’s lover, Asahi!

 

Kageyama was grumbling.

 

“You could have said that we were going into a demon infested cave _before_ we started walking,” he said.

 

Hinata yawned. It was getting pretty close to nightfall. “We could go home together,” he offered.

 

Noya turned around, looking wide-eyed and hurt.

 

“ _After_ we go rescue Noya’s fiancé, though,” Hinata added quickly.

 

“I knew I could count on you!” Noya said, grinning. It flickered briefly. “If we can find where it was Asahi went, that is…”

 

Oikawa tried not to show that he understood Noya’s feelings, or indeed any human feelings whatsoever, gave him a comradely punch to the arm.

 

“Cheer up!” he said. “Your lover is probably fine.”

 

Iwaizumi, who’d been napping on a gourd on Oikawa’s belt, chose that moment to poof himself onto Oikawa’s shoulder.

 

“I’m not so sure,” he said. Even though his voice was slightly high-pitched and sound kind of ridiculous coming from someone the size of a Barbie doll, everyone shut up and listened. “I’ve heard about the King of Rubies before. It’s a legend that’s circulated in… certain circles.” By which he meant Demon King and evil magick circles. “It was an enormous ruby unearthed by dwarves in ancient times. Nothing could compare to it, so it was named the King of Rubies. Eventually it was given to humans, and there people began to kill for it. As it absorbed more bloody, it became even more beautiful, and thus more valuable. And cursed. When that happened, a demon stole it away and it hasn’t been seen since. But apparently it still exists somewhere on this earth, guarded by demons.”

 

See, I told you it was an evil-magick-circle kind of story.

 

Iwaizumi, done with the exposition, decided to poof himself back into the gourd to take a nap. He’d come out if he heard anyone sneeze, though. It meant they were being talked about, and he’d need to be sure it wasn’t because of a coming ambush.

 

“So the King of Rubies is in the Cave of Jewels?” Hinata asked.

 

Kageyama muttered something intelligible that was probably cursing out his fate. Probably.

 

“Either way,” Oikawa said. “We need to find that cave. It’s our only lead.”

 

Noya kept walking, his mind distinctly elsewhere. And by elsewhere, I mean smack-dab on his boyfriend. As soon as his back was turned on his traveling companions, his face would fall and regret would surface as he thought it was his fault Asahi had left in the first place. If he’d had the chance to go back and talk to Asahi now, he’d have said that as long as he had him, he didn’t need any jewel, tradition be damned. He wouldn’t have needed anything, as long as he’d had his boyfriend.

 

_So please_ , Noya thought, _come home, Asahi-san…_

He had stopped walking, instead staring off into the distance with an aura of love positively _glowing_ around him.

 

Oikawa’s eye twitched. People in love, _tsk_!

 

“Snap out of it,” he said. “We need to find an inn.” He looked around, and realised that Kageyama and Hinata had disappeared.

 

He sighed and went off to find them, wishing that Iwaizumi wouldn’t insist on sleeping the whole way through in that bloody gourd. Iwaizumi was so much better than he was at herding people. Probably because he’d had a childhood of practice herding Oikawa around.

 

Hinata was pretty easy to find, given his shock of orange hair. He and Kageyama were talking to what looked like map vendors, a pair of pretty girls about their own age. Hinata was speaking animatedly to the younger blond one, who seemed a touch overwhelmed from just meeting him. Kageyama was being a bit more sensible and looking over the map the girl with the long black hair had on display.

 

“What’s this?” Oikawa asked, leaning over to examine the map as well.

 

Kageyama pulled away, barely avoiding smacking his head into Hinata’s. Grace of a baby llama, that one.

 

“It’s a map to the Cave of Jewels!” the blond girl said.

 

“Is it legit?” Oikawa asked.

 

The black haired girl nodded. “We know because no one who’s bought one has ever returned.”

 

Well, _that_ ’s a dark sales pitch.

 

Noya butted it, summoned either by the hoard of his friends or else by the pretty girls. Hey, missing fiancé, dude. Remember?

 

“Did a man pass by here a few months ago?” he asked. So apparently he did. I need to keep my mouth shut more.

 

The girls blinked.

 

“Uhmm,” the blond one said. “I think you’re going to have to be more specific.”

 

“Long hair, beard, really good looking, broad shoulders…” He went on like that for a while.

 

“Oh yes, the naïve looking guy,” the black haired one said. “Yes, he bought a map a few months ago.”

 

Noya bit his lip as he realised that it meant that they were on the right track – but also that there was an even bigger chance that Asahi was in danger.

 

He didn’t let himself think _dead._

 

Act VI

 

The five of them found the inn, stayed the night without incident, and left before dawn. Following the map they had bought, they walked for three days into the mountains, eventually finding the stream the map indicated and pressing on into a deep valley. At the other end of it, where a mountain rose like a dark dagger into the sky, they saw the long black gash of a cave. A cave that looked distinctly like jaws. Wow, guys, you couldn’t have found a more normal looking cave to have to go raid? Oh what am I saying – this is a fantasy land, there’s no such thing as a normal cave!

 

They paused at the opening, adjusting their swords and cloaks and generally getting ready to march in. Even Iwaizumi, though he probably could have stayed asleep until he was really needed, chose to take on his full-sized form doe the occasion.

 

“Let’s go!” Oikawa said, and flounced into the cave. He… might have been a _bit_ too eager. “Ooh, it looks like a fully natural cave! That’s cool – and completely unlike you, Iwa-chan!”

 

It didn’t look natural in the slightest, but that was beside the point.

 

Kageyama scribbled something on the walls as they went in deeper, Iwaizumi conjuring balls of magical light. It didn’t really help Kageyama’s he-he-no-no-mo-he-shi trail markers look any less like collections of scribbles, but they had to take what they could get. Oikawa made a mental note to leave the markers to someone else, next time they ended up in the middle of a labyrinth.

 

Noya and Hinata, meanwhile, were bounding forward and would probably be the first to fall into a pit of spikes in their eagerness. They were also being pretty loud about it, and Iwaizumi resisted the urge to throw something at them. He growled to himself and glanced at Oikawa, hoping he’d be able to do something about it. But Oikawa, he had noticed, was being uncharacteristically serious. Iwaizumi would have to ask him about that – if they managed to survive this cave.

 

There was a rustle from all around and the five adventurers looked up to see a swarm of bats. Hinata and Noya screamed, grabbing each other.

 

“It’s just bats, idiots!” Iwaizumi yelled. Yeah! They were probably just angry you’d interrupted their nap. Bats are just little mammalian babies and – I’m getting off topic.

 

Even Kageyama and Oikawa seemed pretty put off by the bats, though. Iwaizumi sighed.

 

“Of course there would be bats in a cave,” he said. “Stop acting so pathetic, dumbasses!”

 

This kept happening, though, because these people aren’t actually the best adventurers they could have found. You’ve got something to answer for, Keishin. After the bats, there was the poisonous snake, the poisonous spider, the poisonous blind fish, and something that Hinata called a poisonous ooper-looper but Iwaizumi promptly informed him was an axolotl and very much not poisonous.

 

The mood remained fairly high until they stumbled across a skeleton in their path. Noya immediately fell to his knees to investigate it more closely.

 

“It’s not him,” he said, breathing a sigh of relief. The skeleton was way too old. He got up and dusted off his pants, biting his lip as he thought.

 

“But look at all the jewels this guy stole!” Hinata said. He’d found the skeleton’s bag, which was heavy with gold. “Greedy!”

 

Oikawa looked over the massive cut along the skeleton’s clothes and bones. “It looks like he was attacked from behind,” he said. “Which means he was caught.”

 

Light from Iwaizumi’s magic glinted off gems that were scattered down the hallway and down one of the forks they could see. With any luck, they decided, it would lead them right into the center of the cave. So they followed it. They came across more bodies as they went down further, all of them with jewels scattered around them. The man they had found had only been the fastest. The air became heavy, and it began to smell like mud and decay and wet bone until it was almost suffocating. Not a pleasant scent.

 

Noya stopped suddenly.

 

“What’s wrong?” Oikawa asked. Noya didn’t have to say anything, though, because Oikawa also noticed the light filtering in from the end of the cave. Iwaizumi shut out his magic, and with nothing to fight it the golden glow intensified.

 

The five of them got down low and slunk towards the light. The sight that awaited them was something out of legend. And it was, quite literal. There was a widening of the cave, where it opened up like a cathedral, the base of which was filled with gold and jewels and sparkly things of all sizes and colours. The light seemed to come from a single point at the zenith of the cave, and on its own it would have been fairly weak, but it reflected off every polished surface beneath it. It was almost as bright as daylight.

 

The five of them rappelled down to the level of the jewels, which clinked beneath their feet and made them sink down a couple of inches. But under that first level of jewels there was only more jewels. It went on forever, and stretched out like a carpet that could have bought the world.

 

“Wow,” Hinata said.

 

“Neat,” said Oikawa.

 

Kageyama’s attention, meanwhile, was drawn to the one dark spot in the entire cave, which was the entrance to yet another cave that branched off from a corner of the main one. He stepped forward, gripping his sword, trying to see what it was in there.

 

“Is that… a throne?”

 

The others, realising that there was something they should have been doing, followed his line of sight. There was indeed a throne in there – isn’t there always? – and there was also someone sitting on it, wearing a cloak with the large hood pulled up over his face.

 

Whoever it was stood up in an odd, inhuman gesture, even though Iwaizumi wasn’t getting any strange magic vibes from him it seemed to have meant something. When he spoke, it also didn’t sound like a normal person.

 

“Who dares disturb the King’s slumber?”

 

That menacing sentence rolled out through the cave, making small gems clink together.

 

Noya’s eyes went wide, and he ran up to the figure.

 

“Asahi-san!” He grabbed the front his robes. “What’re you –“

 

Asahi was apparently deaf to his boyfriend’s voice, though, because he pulled out a sword. Noya stood, in shock, and Oikawa grabbed his shoulder and pulled him away. Asahi’s sword crashed against Oikawa’s. Asahi took a step back and Iwaizumi rushed in, using magic to send Asahi stumbling back even further. It extinguished against his cloak. It had been meant to burn him.

 

“He’s blocking my magic,” he said.

 

“I’ll take it from here, Iwa-chan!” Oikawa said. “You take care of the others.”

 

Asahi had turned and ran, and Oikawa set out after him down the narrow cave. As soon as it opened up wide enough for Asahi to swing his sword, he did. Oikawa blocked it but the blow numbed his arm.

 

“Ah, he’s actually pretty strong,” he said to himself. “But I’m sure I can figure something out.”

 

There still wasn’t enough room to properly maneuver, so he took a risk and continued down another hallway. Fortunately, Asahi – or whoever was controlling him – seemed to be fixed on Oikawa now, rather than turning back and going after the others. Which meant that Oikawa was on his own, but also that they would have a chance to flee.

 

When Asahi and Oikawa had disappeared, Iwaizumi had been left to keep Noya from running off after them. It really was too dangerous, but Noya seemed to be ignoring that little fact.

 

“Kageyama,” Iwaizumi called. “Take these two outside. We don’t want a repeat of what happened last time.”

 

‘Last time’ meaning when his magic had come undone and caused a castle to nearly collapse on top of both Kageyama and Oikawa as well as a dumpling baby. Probably a good thing to try and avoid a repeat of.

 

“What about you?” Kageyama asked.

 

“If I leave Oikawa now he’s going to do something stupid,” Iwaizumi replied. “So I’m going to go get him.”

 

“Then we’re going too,” Hinata said. He indicated himself, Noya and Kageyama.

 

Iwaizumi knew that had the potential to be a very bad idea, but they didn’t have the time to argue. “Fine then.”

 

They followed the cave where they’d last seen Oikawa and Asahi, which fortunately only followed one route – that they could see, at least. Eventually they found themselves at the end of the cave, which opened onto a honeycombed chamber even larger than the last. But darker, because this one was empty of jewels.

 

Noya had to grab a rock to keep from accidentally vaulting into the abyss. He stared down, breathing hard.

 

Kageyama grabbed the back of his shirt and pulled him back into safety, just to make sure. He realised that, within the gloom, he could see two figures off in the distance, on an outcropping of stone. Asahi had managed to get Oikawa on the ground, bearing down on him with his sword until both weapons seemed close to breaking. Oikawa was mentally cursing that he hadn’t thought to re-use that trick with the Armour of Attack – it was too late for it now. The Armour would have broken or ricocheted, what with the stone and the magic and all.

 

“You can save Oikawa with your magic, right?” Kageyama asked Iwaizumi, a note of panic in his voice.

 

“This is a bad angle,” Iwaizumi said. “The cloak he’s wearing block magic, so it’ll only work if I can get him under the cloak… Wait a minute. Hey, _Oikawa!_ ”

 

“What?” Oikawa was a little bit busy just then.

 

“What’s tofu made out of?” he yelled.

 

There was a dead pause as everyone tried to figure out what on earth _that_ meant. Iwaizumi though wasted no time, and said a spell out loud. Immediately magick fire spilled out of Oikawa’s mouth and Asahi was sent reeling back, clutching his head.

 

“… Tofu?” Hinata asked.

 

“It’s easier to manipulate someone when his mind is blank,” Iwaizumi said. Though mostly he was a bit surprised that it had even worked. Maybe Oikawa’s mind was blanker than most people’s.

 

One thing Oikawa _did_ have the presence of mind to do was swing his sword as soon as he saw a necklace fly out of the folds of Asahi’s cloak. The ruby at the end had caught his eye, and instinctively he knew that this was the King of Rubies. The swing managed to cut the chain, and the gem went flying. The same blow caused the hood on Asahi’s cloak to fall back, revealing a face contorted with worry and pain. And then Asahi took a step back, onto thin air.

 

“ _Asahi!_ ” Noya screamed.

 

Oikawa reached out to grab him but wasn’t able to. Instead, Asahi started floating, as Iwaizumi cast a spell to catch him. He carried Asahi’s body, rendered unconscious by the sudden disappearance of the King of Rubies’ magic, up to the cliff where he was standing, dumping him rather unceremoniously on the three other adventurers. At least Iwaizumi was _fairly_ sure the caves weren’t going to start collapsing on him.

 

Noya cradled his head, bracing his hand against Asahi’s cheek. “Wake up, you idiot…” He said that, but it was clear he was close to crying. “Asahi-!”

 

Asahi’s eyes fluttered open, refocusing on Noya’s face.

 

“Yuu!” he said, sitting up. “Where are we…?”

 

Noya flung his arms around him, burrowing his face in the crook of Asahi’s neck. Asahi rubbed his back, blinking up at the other four people his fiancé had somehow collected. Iwaizumi had used the touchy-feely moments to magic Oikawa back over across the cave as well. The ledge they were on was getting a little crowded.

 

“We should get going,” Kageyama said.

 

Hinata nodded. “Can you walk?” he asked Asahi.

 

Asahi stood up to prove he could. Noya still hadn’t let go of him, so Asahi was left to carry him like a koala. Well, he had been running after him for a year – he was allowed some cuddling time. Though I’m pretty sure there are better places than a dank cave to do that in.

 

Those four began to make their way back out of the cave, but Oikawa and Iwaizumi stayed behind for a moment, looking over the empty cave.

 

“Where’d the ruby end up?” Iwaizumi asked.

 

“It fell into the water, I’m pretty sure,” Oikawa replied. He had heard a splash, so he was assuming there was water somewhere way down there.

 

Iwaizumi nodded. “Good. That means that no one can bother it again.”

 

The two stayed quiet for another two moments, contemplating this, as their comrade’s footsteps disappeared into the maze of caverns. The silence was broken by Iwaizumi.

 

“Thank you,” he said. “For trusting me again.”

 

Oikawa gave him a small but genuine smile. “Of course I’d trust you. Sorry for stabbing you.”

 

Iwaizumi snorted at the sincerity of _that_ comment. Oikawa reached out and took his hand.

 

“Let’s go back out,” he said, tightening his grip. “We still have things to do.”

 

“Yeah,” Iwaizumi replied. “Let’s go.” He let himself be lead back out.

 

The light of day was blinding after being in the cave so long, but the fresh air was a welcome reprieve. They found their comrades sitting on some rocks just outside the main mouth of the cave. Noya still seemed unwilling to let go of Asahi, though the feeling seemed to be pretty mutual.

 

When prompted, though, Asahi did tell them what had happened – Iwaizumi was genuinely curious, because even in Fantasy Land it wasn’t every day one came across gems that possessed people. Apparently his curiosity manifested itself in crossing his arms and looking vaguely menacing, so it’s questionable as to whether Asahi got that.

 

“Thanks to you guys, I was able to escape that nightmare,” Asahi said. “A year ago, I found this cave and made it to the jewels. I forgot how tired I had been and started taking them – if nothing else, the gems could have brought wealth back to our village. Then I noticed one in particular, and I just knew it was special – I wanted to get it for Yuu. When I touched it, I heard a voice like it was speaking inside my head. I tried to run, but I couldn’t. And I don’t remember what happened after that – nothing until I woke up here. I can’t believe a year passed.” He looked up at Noya like the kid meant the world to him. Which, admittedly, he probably did. “I’m sorry, Yuu, I just wanted to bring you back the most beautiful jewel…”

 

Iwaizumi had just about enough of these damn lovebirds surrounding him, and was blatantly ignoring the similar looks Oikawa was giving him. Hinata, meanwhile, seemed to think this the most romantic story he had ever heard, tugging on Kageyama’s arm. His husband was ignoring him, though he thought it a pretty compelling scene too.

 

“Thank you, Asahi-san,” Noya said, taking his hand. “But I would rather have you than any jewel.”

 

Tears welled up in Asahi’s eyes, and Noya practically threw himself on him once again. Iwaizumi decided to turn and walk away before they started making out in front of him. He got the feeling that would end up happening too much if he kept around Oikawa’s friends, and he wanted to decrease exposure as much as possible.

 

It might be catching.

 

Act VII

 

They managed to find their way back to the last town with an inn they’d passed through, and they said their goodbyes to Noya and Asahi with a surprising amount of tears and pronouncements that they’d keep in touch. They weren’t entirely sure how, but since Hinata was royalty they probably had some method. Also, here’s to hoping that Hinata told his dad to fix the infrastructure at this end of the country – it seems rather lacking. So that was how Noya and Asahi went back to their village, having earned their happy ever after.

 

For the rest of our heroes, though, there was still quite some road to travel. They had decided to take it easy that particular morning, though, and so Oikawa was out sunning himself. Iwaizumi, in his tinier form, was perched on his shoulder. They were looking over a bag of jewels that Oikawa had taken from the cave, making sure none of them were magicked the same way that the King of Rubies had been. Undoing a possession on Oikawa would have been a pain, Iwaizumi told him. His mind was so blank that manipulating him with magic would have been a cinch.

 

Oikawa hadn’t even bothered to protest, instead looking over one of the gold pieces. “At least we’ll never have to worry about money again,” he said. “We’ve got enough money to pay our way into almost anywhere.”

 

“Right. About that,” Iwaizumi said. Then he turned and his frown deepened.

 

Oikawa looked over to where he was looking, and noticed Hinata and Kageyama standing there. Hinata looked like he was waiting for something, and Kageyama was noticeably avoiding his gaze. His expression noted a fierce internal struggle. Then Oikawa noticed that Hinata was twisting the gold ring on his left hand, and realised what this was about.

 

He stood up and gave Kageyama’s shoulder a too-hard pat. “Sorry the quest was so short, Tobio-chan. Have a nice life together!”

 

“Ah, yeah, well…” Kageyama muttered. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to stay with Hinata, who he was beginning to discover was a rather cool guy. He just didn’t want to go back to the capital, and deal with that mess there.

 

“Oh, well – I thought we’d stay with you guys!” Hinata said, smiling brightly.

 

“Wha…?” Both Oikawa and Kageyama had the same reaction to this apparently.

 

Hinata nodded emphatically. “I’m tired of living like a girl, and this was a lot of fun! So we might as well keep traveling with you guys! I’ll write a letter to my parents to explain – they’ve got two other children, so they’ll be fine!” That’s not really how parents work, but okay. “Besides…” He looked over to Kageyama. “Do you want to keep traveling with me?”

 

Kageyama found himself giving a smile, though apparently he did it wrong because Hinata didn’t look comforted at all.

 

“Yeah, I guess,” Kageyama said. “That doesn’t sound so bad

.”

Hinata smiled and wrapped his arms around Kageyama, giving him a kiss while he was at it. Kageyama found that now that he actually knew Hinata and wasn’t being forced into a marriage that had been sprung on him, it actually wasn’t that bad. He kissed back.

 

“Don’t we have somewhere to be going to?” Oikawa asked, deadpan. The two sprang apart.

 

“Where _are_ we going, anyway?” Hinata asked. He was still holding onto Kageyama’s hand.

 

“Hmm…” Oikawa turned to Iwaizumi. “Where too, Iwa-chan?”

 

“Mizuno,” Iwaizumi said immediately.

 

“That’s at the ends of the earth!”

 

“So? You said that you’d take me there.”

 

It was true, so Oikawa didn’t really have much of an argument there.

 

“Yay! Mizuno’s ruled by a king called the Little Giant, right?” Hinata said. “I’ve always wanted to meet him!”

 

Kageyama sighed. He would have preferred dying in his bed at home. He looked down at Hinata’s hand, fingers entwined with his. But then again, maybe this quest wouldn’t be so bad…

 

So together the four of them started walking, and it’s entirely possible that at the end of it all, they lived happily ever after.

 

_Devilwood!! Owari_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the first long fanfiction I've managed to complete, and actually the first one I'd written since about middle school. It wasn't the best and perhaps if I'd had more time I might have fleshed it out better, but for what it was I am happy with it.
> 
> Thank you for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Narration: The original Greenwood manga has a very irreverent story-telling style, with digressions and strange narrations, the whole she-bang. I tried to maintain that style here. For diction and tone I was aiming for something like the narrators of "Ookami-san and Her Seven Companions" or "Hetalia: Axis Powers." I would be very pleased if you can imagine Luci Christian or Jamie Marchi narrating in your hear as you read. (I would also be pleased if you could imagine me as Jamie Marchi, but that’s probably pushing it.)
> 
> Neechama/Oneechama: I’m assuming that most readers are familiar with basic honorifics, but this is one I’ve only come across a few times. It’s a childish way of saying “oneesama,” a very respectful form of address for an older sister, though not quite as respectful and archaic as “aneue.” Because children below a certain age have trouble pronouncing certain sounds “sama” becomes “chama,” so it is both respectful and childlike. In "Here is Greenwood," Reina (whose part Natsu is playing) uses this form of address towards his elder brother, Shun (played here by Hinata), because they’re members of a rather formal and upscale family but still very close. Here, where the siblings are royalty, I decided to keep it because the Hinata family are not formal in canon, and because it was cute.
> 
> Demon King Spalding: The original king was named Clorets (presumably after Nasu line-of-sight named him after a packet of gum) so I decided to choose the silliest volleyball brand name I could. Also the name of a village in Saskatchewan. (See Below.)
> 
> Mikasa: You may have figured out that this is not an "Attack on Titan" reference. Instead of casting someone to play a baby, I decided to cast a volleyball. Feel free to imagine it that way in-text. (Also for reference, the baby was originally played by Shun and Reina’s actual baby sister, Yui.)
> 
> Levée: This is/was a ceremony among royalty, starting with King Charlemagne and being mostly notable in the late 1600s and the 1700s. It’s ridiculously complicated and involves a whole bunch of people going into the king’s chamber in the morning when he gets up to watch him get ready for the day. This could apparently include helping him get dressed, though that got more involved with the women and their crazy outfits. Basically though I’m making fun of fantasy for rarely getting the pomp and circumstance of court-life right, even though the genre loves stealing from and glorifying it. Also I just finished a course on the French Revolution and thought it was hilarious.
> 
> Wheat fields, caragana, and author regionalism: This happens all the time, no matter what you’re reading. The Devilwood chapters, despite taking place in a faux-European setting, had scenery derived from rural Japanese countryside. Since that’s what Nasu-sensei is most familiar with and this was pre-Internet, you can’t really fault her, though more recent authors have no real excuse when it’s unintentional. I generally try to avoid this, not least because I’m from Saskatchewan, one of the least inspiring places on the planet. It is indeed really flat (though maybe folklore has made it flatter in retelling) and the south is mostly wheat fields, cows, and not much else. Caragana is an invasive species of bush brought over from the Old World and planted as a wind break (see: being flat), so it often breaks up the monotonous landscape. If you see a bunch of it standing out in a field, there was probably a homestead there once. And yes, the pods really do start exploding in the summer. The flowers are rather tasty, too. 
> 
> “… a poorly thought out metaphor on early eighteenth century French farm life.”: I encountered just such a metaphor while going through papers for my French Revolutionary class and had to immortalise. It was that bad. 
> 
> “… hang a hero from spider silk, if there had been any flesh-eating fish in the tiny pond beneath it.”: This is an out of the blue reference to an early arc of "Yu Yu Hakusho," where this exact thing happens to the hero. Done as a shout-out to another great ~25 year old anime, as well as in the spirit of Greenwood's increasingly bizarre references to then-current series in Greenwood. The anime is still in print although I'm not too sure if the manga is.
> 
> The Guidebook: This is mentioned once or twice, but the guidebook in question is "The Tough Guide to Fantasyland" by Diana Wynne Jones and its comments on inns and inn availability in generic Fantasyland. It was originally written 1997 and a revised version came out in 2006. I'm not sure whether it's still in print or not, since I don't own it. It was also the basis for her Derkholm series.


End file.
